Season 1, Episode 6
If we took anything from last night's episode of Revenge, it's that it's actually Gossip Girl reincarnated. Like, aside from the literal presence of Eric van der Woodsen, it's amusing that Eric plays the Jenny Humphrey of this show in all of his LOL attempts to “be rich” and “part of this other world”. Jack Porter is obvi Rufus Humphrey and is it us or does E-manda look freakishly similar to Lily VDW? Talk about network incest.
Even Daniel's creepy friend is turning into Leighton Meester in The Roommate.
Oh and, did we NOT call that the security guard is totes gonna wanna fuck Vic? Maybe already did. Just some hard evidence that betches know everything. Anyway, as usual we had to share our thoughts; but most of all our disappointment in the lack of flashbacks (and sharpie picture cross-outs), and our confusion at how this show still manages to be exciting even though they showed us in the pilot that everything will be chill and awesome by Labor Day. Except for the fact that Daniel may or may not die. Who knows, people apparently survive falls from penthouse balconies.
Blackout Wednesday drinking game: Take a shot every time Victoria’s on the balcony.
E-manda why are you Sherlock Holmes, where's your magnifying glass? Oh, probs in Lydia Davis' hospital robe.
Why is facial hair the new “I'm poor” statement. Sorry bro, money doesn't grow on your face.
The random scene cut to Eric van der Woodsen fishing for lobsters. Like what, you put your little cage in there and the lobsters just come in? Okay fine, that's probably how it works. Still, loser.
Eric being shaken down…for lobster.
Whose first impulse when low on cash is to steal lobsters? Mom, I need the new Chanel bag! ….NO sweetie, not until you learn the value of cash…. UGH! Driver, where's the closest marina?
Creepsy Mcgee roofies Danny then takes him to the bed to make out. Then bangs himself in the head. Then goes to a party without cleaning it up. What, are we trying to reenact a scene from Inglourious Basterds? Get a fucking tissue.
WHY doesn't Daniel think his friend is weird!?! Why can't we remember his friends name!?
Also, while we're on the timeless subject of Daniel. How many times is he going to be easily convinced to take a shot with ginger McQueen…how does he not get that he wants to fuck him…where does one buy rufilin in the Hamptons?