Curious Declan goes to a dinner party: Revenge Recap

Season 1, Episode 7

This show just gets better every week. Emanda's eyes get smaller and therefore more evil, Victoria makes more even longer dubious stares, Emanda has a secret BFF, who's a warden no less! And a new couple has made an entrance in the Hamptons scene. They arrived as enemies, but out they come as besties with testes.

ABC never fails to keep us on the edge of our seats, constantly throwing brain-busting metaphors our way; like when Emanda kisses Daniel while clutching Jack's swing, or when the Graysons' anniversary dinner falls apart, symbolic of the marriage it's celebrating. The only upsetting part of the show is that we have to wait 2 fucking weeks to see the next ep. LAME.


Call Outs:


Is it just us or does Nolan speak in Shakespearean Olde English? Next on Revenge, Emanda seeks redemption for her father's betrayal in iambic pentameter.


nolanNolan's Gay…surprise, surprise


Would anyone really want to read about the Garçons in the Times? Shit, autocorrect. No but really, the interviewer looks like she used to be a man.

And when asked what was the glue that keeps their marriage together…BOTOX.

We hate you Tyler, but that was a very clever move to call yourself in order to eavesdrop. We can't give you kudos though, because you're creepy as fuck, and a ginger.

Is Declan’s entire family socially retarded or something, what’s the matter with him? How was his new girlfriend's parents' anniversary dinner the time or place to talk about his brother’s pathetic embarrassing crush on Emily. You like just met these people.

How did Frank get a key to WARDEN'S office? How does anyone on this show just get keys to whatever they want keys to… all the time. Is there a famous keysmith in town?

Nolan's security guard bouncer builds panic rooms, but conveniently, Emanda “does not panic.” Can you imagine how differently Panic Room would've gone if Jodie Foster just happened to pop a Xany right before the killers got there? “Oooh shiiiiiit did you just kill my husband? that's cooollll I guess, I'm gonna go nap now”

WHAT THE FUCK?! Tyler and Nolan!!? I just screamed louder than when I got my period after the famous pregnancy scare of 2010.


nolanNote to self: Get name of Victoria's dermatologist…must remove frown lines





Charlotte Grayson is actually… Charlotte Clarke.


LOL Moments:


Eric VDW doing some shit with oysters, is he going to bring them on the half shell to the anniversary dinner? Maybe with a side of stolen lobster.

You know when a spare cellphone under a floorboard comes in handy? When you're fucked up and lose your iPhone. Except having a flip Motorola from Y2K is just as useful as not having one.

Emanda has a problem so she calls up Rosie O'Donnell to reprise her role in Harriet the Spy.

“Thanks for fixing my swing bro, here’s a dirty old compass…my couch pillows could use some fluffing later.”

Amazing flashback, Victoria's airbrushing was done by a true artiste. However we almost died, and we guess she did too, when she almost flung herself off the balcony from the pure terror of her own flashback.

“I’m sure you slaved in the kitchen all day Mrs. G” – Hahaha. Eric VDW, so poor, so poor…he might as well have said “Yo G dawg, where my fried chicken yo!”

Ashley just wants to be in the scene! She just wants to make a name for herself as a betchy Hamptons socialite, no matter how many friends she loses, or people she leaves dead and bloodied along the way, as long as she can make a name for herself as a betch…ok we're bored of her.

Nolan “I'm a 3 on the Kinsey scale myself” Ross. Sorry but your Cruel Intentions gay porn vid says more of a 10.

The realization that there are no black people on this show. Ashley doesn't count and Declan only sounds like he's Lil Wayne.

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