Real World Roundup: Keeping Up With the Lochte

When the Olympics finally fucking end and NBC gives me my life back, we can all celebrate because Ryan Lochte isn't going anywhere. He's considering an acting career and is already slated to be in a Funny or Die video (an unofficial screen test for internet celebs), and he's expressed interest in being on Dancing With the Stars, because history tells us that's the go-to reality stepping stone to having your own TLC special. But where most people see gossip we see a whole new trend. Sex tapes before reality TV out, Olympic medal before reality TV in. Wherefore art thou Tara Lipinski? Read article>>

Speaking of serious Olympic athletes, a Belgian cyclist name Gijs Van Hoecke made the spectacle you see above, and Belgium is pissed as fuck. Take note of the crotch stain while ironically trying to pronounce his first name. Judging from this pic this bro is the kindred spirit of Lindsay Lohan in 2009. Now that's a reality show I'd watch. Read article>>

You already missed it, but yesterday Trojan was giving out free vibrators in the Financial District, courtesy of the Pleasure Cart. Is this an indication of the economy? Bankers having to wait outside in the brutal, globally warmed New York on their lunch breaks to get their money-hungry girlfriends a fucking vibrator? Seems like just the place I'd like to run into my managing director. Seriously, look at this line, you'd think they were waiting for the iPhone 5 or a cure for douchiness. Read article>>

The famous political pundit known as Jenna Jameson has officially endorsed Mitt Romney. We'll just say: fucking FINALLY. Without this endorsement I don't think I would've been able to decide who to vote for. Romney, definitely Romney. You can always trust a porn star to choose the candidate who's most in favor of women's rights. Read article>>


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