Real World Roundup: Barack Obama did not leave South Side for this!

Attention creepy rich weirdos everywhere. There's a German liquor company out there who boasts expensive bottles of whiskey and vodka that have been poured over the boobs of gorgeous models before being bottled. This sounds far from a bottle you might bring to your in-laws house. To us, this sounds fucking disgusting. Way to alienate 50% of the population you German assholes. The only thing I want to drink less than vodka that has touched the skin of Miranda Kerr is like, her breast milk or a regular coke. Read article>>

In more random and less-interesting-than-yesterday news, Chris Brown and Rihanna went on a “date” to the Jay-Z concert last night where Chris had his arm around Rihanna's chair. While this is a lot less scandalous than fucking her in a Barclay's Center bathroom, the world anxiously awaits the newest Ike and Tina Turner. Read article>>

Ah, how the former Hills cast is growing up! Heidi Montag will make paid appearances at a strip club in Vegas with her G cup boobs which she apparently will not show off to the world. No one wants to see that shit anyway. Now maybe if Spencer Pratt would shave his blonde beard for the world to see, that's an event we all might gawk at. We remind Heidi not to forget her magic crystals but to leave her dignity in Colorado where it belongs. Read article>>

Barack Obama might be the betchiest president ever. Not to reiterate again that we don't give a shit about the issues, but Obama's official Tumblr posted the mean girls “October 3rd” joke that we tweeted yesterday. See it here if you don't believe us. Mitt, tell Barry that his hair looks sexy pushed back. He then ordered all junior delegates to the gymnasium after Ann Romney revelead her burn book which said mean things about the whole Oval Office.


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