Real Life Gossip Girl Books Are Happening

So obvi, betches don't keep up with the news, but there's a new book coming out called Primates of Park Avenue, and it's legit Dan Humphrey's Insider. This woman, Wednesday Martin, moved with her husband to Park and 79th Street and decided to turn her life into an anthropological study. She tried to befriend the women of the Upper East Side in the way only the world's worst social climber can (see: Dan Humphrey).

She decided to write this book where she puts all of the women in her life on blast. She writes about their crazy exercise, beauty, and shopping regimes with a typical day consisting of spin, a blow out, and a new dress to pick the kids up in. She describes husbands as absent partners who give their wives “wife bonuses” if their children do well or the family's social status improves aka what Lily would have given Rufus Humphrey for sending Jenny away.

The whole thing has the same vibe as Dan's book – he observed and befriended his peers for years only to write a tell-all book. Sure, there's no salacious sex scenes featuring “Sabrina” or poorly-veiled crush on “Clair” but it's still the same idea. The ultimate outsider wrote her way into becoming the ultimate insider.

So add this to your list of beach reads, because even if it's fiction and even if it's bullshit, it's always fun to read about adult women being bitches.


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