If you’ve ever wondered, “if anti-vaxxers were given unlimited funds, what insanely misguided product would they make?” we’ve been provided with the answer: raw water. You’re thinking, is raw water just like, not La Croix? Well, yes. But this new startup is selling unfiltered and untreated water to Silicon Valley elites who are literally guzzling it up at $60 a bottle.
That’s right. These people are shelling out two SoulCycle classes for a single bottle of water that, according to scientists, is like brimming with E.Coli and like arsenic.
The dude whose startup is selling this fresh n’ funky pond water is named Mukhande Singh, but don’t be fooled. He’s a white guy who was born Christopher Sanborn, went to one yoga retreat, and decided to slap on this ethnic name to come across like more authentic? Cultural appropriation aside, the only thing authentic about this dude are the unavoidable stomach parasites and constant diarrhea his water will give you. He made a statement that tap water is just “toilet water with birth control drugs” in it and I’m like, wow I can just drink my birth control drugs instead of forgetting to take them at 4pm every day? Sign me up.
I guess if you’re like trying to lose weight ultra fast you can drink raw water and just shit your brains and a few pounds out. But if that’s the case, literally just go on a hike and drink from the spring water up there. You’ll at least get a cute instagram out of that and save $60.
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