Donald Trump Is Facing More Assault Allegations Because Of Course He Is

As far as relations with women go, President Trump is not the best. And by “not the best,” I mean “a serially accused sexual assailant.” The President is now refuting new(ish) allegations from Rachel Crooks, who says he kissed her against her will in front of Trump Tower in 2006. Crooks first went public with her story on the eve of the 2016 election but like, nobody cared then because Russia hacked our minds emails. Now Crooks is reaffirming her story in the media and running for state Legislature in Ohio (as a Democrat, obvs). Not sure if I should be inspired by Crooks’ strength and determination, or sad that this is what it takes to get women to run for office.*

(*I am both.)

Crooks’ allegations got back in the news on Monday, with a front page profile in the Washington Post, detailing how just because the American public forgot Crooks’ story, doesn’t mean that she has.

Trump: *Sitting comfortably in the knowledge that 19 women accused him of assault and everyone just kind of let it slide*

Rachel Crooks:

President Trump wasted no time employing the Mariah Carey “I Don’t Know Her” defense, a tactic commonly used by people who know exactly who “her” is.

Crooks then responded the only way you can when you’ve been I-Don’t-Know-Her-ed:

Translation: Yes you do know me, and now I’m coming to grab you by the policies.

The renewed focus on Trump’s misconduct comes it was revealed that the National Enquirer bought exclusive rights to Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal’s story of her own (consensual – congrats!) affair with President Trump.

Ugh. So gross. As if I’d ever want to read a book like that…

Me as soon as that book comes out:

All of this can’t help but make me think the president is a disgusting monster Melania, girl, how you doin’? If you decide to be single anytime soon, HMU. We can totally go out.

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Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.