When was the last time you thought about R. Kelly? Like, a month ago when for 30 seconds you thought you’d locked yourself in your own closet? IDK. There’s just so much going on in the world, how can we also be keeping up-to-date on the goings ons of 90s R&B singers. Well, turns out we should have all been paying a whole lost more fucking attention to what he’s up to because according to a report by Buzzfeed News (the Walter Cronkite’s of our generation), he’s been kidnapping women and brainwashing them into joining some kind of weird, sexual cult.
*Quietly removes Remix To Ignition from pregame playlist*
Yep, turns out Kelly, who once peed on a fourteen-year-old girl on stage and low-key married Aaliyah (RIP) when she was fifteen and wrote a whole album about it called “Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number,” is a sexual deviant. Who knew?
Everyone. Everyone knew.
In the legit insane report by Buzzfeed, Kelly is accused of holding several young women against their will in Illinois and Georgia, where the age of consent is seventeen and sixteen respectively. Please excuse me while I vomit everywhere.
According to parents of three women currently being held in captivity by R. Kelly (a sentence I never thought I’d type), Kelly “controls every aspect of their lives: dictating what they eat, how they dress, when they bathe, and when and how they engage in sexual encounters that he records.”
And here I won’t even let my boyfriend add shows to our Netflix queue.
To make what is already an incredibly fucked up story even worse, police have thus far been unable to intervene because the women are technically adults and the law states “consenting adults may take part in any relationship they want, no matter how nontraditional.”
So kidnapping and brainwash count as “non-traditional” relationships now? Noted.
While the allegations against Kelly are disturbing (physical, sexual, and mental abuse are all mentioned), what’s more disturbing is that the women involved seem totally brainwashed by the singer. Welfare checks by police didn’t lead to any charges, with one of the women being held in Georgia telling them she was “fine and didn’t want to be bothered.”
Said the same thing to the police during my last black out. It wasn’t true. It’s never true.
Kelly has skirted charges of sexual misconduct before (did I mention he peed on a fourteen-year-old?), and was acquitted of child pornography charges as recently as 2008. He’s also been the subject of dozens of civil lawsuits, all settled out of court, which resulted in the women signing non-disclosure agreements.
Then, of course, there’s the story of Aaliyah (RIP), his fifteen-year-old protégé whose story bares a striking resemblance to many of the girls, all of whom met Kelly in hopes finding help with their music careers.
The Buzzfeed story even includes majorly creepy clips from conversations between Kelly and one of the girls, in which he tells her “I want you to get in the habit of telling me what color panties you got on every day.”
And there it is again. Actual vomit.
There’s no telling where this story will go, and R. Kelly has skirted these types of allegations before (again: he peed on a fourteen-year-old), but I think one thing is definitely clear…
“Trapped In A Closet” is, sadly, no longer funny.