These Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Dolls Are Literal Nightmares

We all know that capitalism is the root of evil in the world, which is the only possible explanation for these dolls that are allegedly supposed to look like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Meghan’s doll looks like a cross between an uglier version of Samantha Parkington (the American Girl, duh) and the world’s blurriest photo of Meghan, while Harry’s is…much worse.

He has brown hair and eyes instead of red/blue, and he looks like a reject villain from the Toy Story movies. Like what is with the actual shape of this doll’s eyes here? Why is he wearing the exact out fit the Prince in Cinderella wears? Why does he have a bowl cut? And most importantly WHY ISN’T HIS HAIR RED? Red hair is like, Prince Harry’s defining feature. Isn’t the whole *point* of Prince Harry that he’s a ginger? Why else is he here?

As for Meghan…it’s a no from us. First of all, the face is a lot more “Bride Of Chucky” than it is “former Deal or No Deal suitcase holder turned Suits star turned Princess.” (Yes I do know Meghan will not actually be a Princess don’t @ me.) And I mean, sure they got the hair color right here, but why the f does this doll have jowls? Plus I’ll shit a brick if Meghan wears a dress this fugly down the aisle. And like, just to keep it absolutely 100, but this doll reads a lot more as “Becky after a day in the Sun” than “first African-American royal.”

The worst part? The dolls are being sold for a cool $180 on Etsy, but the nightmares are completely free with or without purchase. God save the Queen.