Price William and Kate Recolonize America Starting With Brooklyn

So Kate Middleton and her balding but first class member of the lucky sperm club husband Prince William are in New York for a long weekend – casual December vaca. They've done a bunch of boring charity work (it's not like they need it for college apps anymore), but have met the closest America has to royalty (read: still peasants).

President Obama and William met for a photo op and parenting advice. They chilled in the Oval Office and talked about receding hairlines.

Hillary Clinton, William, and Kate had dinner together. Kate shadily complemented Hill on her “festive” Christmas socks and overpoweringly red ensemble. Hillary might be the first female president one day, but Kate's dresses sell out in five minutes.

Beyonce, Jay-Z, Will, and Kate were all at the Cleveland Cavaliers v. Brooklyn Nets basketball game last night and went on a pretty chill double date. Obvi, Kate DGAF about basketball because she's not a Kardashian looking for a husband, so Will tried to explain the game to her. At one point, Bey and Jay-Z walked over to introduce themselves and the two power couples talked for a little bit. I want the transcript from the conversation. Did they talk about clothes, babies, or how poor people are like, so random??

King Lebron James was hype to meet the couple, probably to discuss taking his talents to London. He gave Kate and Will Cleveland basketball jerseys – one with Cambridge printed on it and the other with George. It's kind of cute, in the most plebeian way possible. Kate's facial expression was pure horror at the thought of letting a polyester-rayon blend touch her skin, while simultaneously being painfully overdressed for a basketball game in Brooklyn.

My only question: why didn't Lord Disick make a quick appearance?



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