While last night’s episode of Pretty Little Liars wasn’t nearly as thrilling as last week’s, it was still fairly ridiculous. Even though Hanna took a mini hiatus from reading, the words were getting a little advanced for her, we did get to go on the joy ride that is Spencer’s brand new adderall addiction! Obviously, because if you take one pill you’re immediately addicted, and according to PLL writers/producers being addicted to adderall has the same physical effects as smoking crack.
More questions: Where do they find so many fucking phone booths in one town? Ali is constantly chatting it up in a phone booth, the coffee shop has a phone booth or rather just a booth where one can privately speak on their cell phone, which is kind of weirder. Also are there other teachers at Rosewood? You know, besides ones with which the liars have inappropriate sexual tension? Apparently in the world of PLL statutory rape is 'A'-okay but adderall will have you on the corner turning tricks in less than a week.
I love Spencer’s furious investigative montage to ‘Sail' after downing her adderall which, okay, would be true to form but she’d be way more fucking smiley about it. She’d be like OMGAHHHH I CAN'T WAIT TO READ EVERYTHING THERE IS ABOUT BOARD SHORTS ALE AND CALL MY FRIENDS TO TALK ABOUT SPRING BREAK!
Spencer is a real ’Nev from Catfish.’ I see she’s using her most advanced tool, Google search.
The blonde virgin’s out of adderall so she hits up the next best thing, Rosewood’s token Asian.
10 bucks a pill…shiiiitttt prices went up since I was in high school.
Best part of the episode / when shit got real: when Spencer realizes she and Hanna are being watched at Ezra’s apartment so she pulled a very bad but PLL-believable fakeout. Bitch WOULD.
I can’t wait until Spencer inevitably starts giving head for adderall.
What is going on with your face? It’s puffier than my winter coat.
How did you show up to Ezra’s apartment in literally 4 seconds?! Based on observation mentioned above, we know you DEF didn’t run.
But really why does Detective Tom Cruise SUDDENLY show up everywhere. He’s like Fred Armison in Eurotrip. Mi Scusi mi scusi
Does Alison have that much power that she really can just get her friends, who thought she was dead 3 minutes ago, to run her errands and pick up old shit she left at her mom’s house a few years ago?
Emily’s “I’m Allergic to Mornings” shirt is AMAZING only because she’s wearing it during a very serious conversation with Shauna during which neither of them smile and the topic is about like death and shit.
Side question – why are the two non white lesbians closest to Alison also like, really good swimmers?
“I’ve got a finger you can use. It’s not the nice kind.” Maybe it’s the weird anime-bun hairstyle but this came off way more sexual than angry.
Ezra: “We’re past the point in our relationship where we have to hide”…NO YOU’RE NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL HER TEACHER AND SHE IS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL FOR FUCKSAKE.
Ezra’s whole speech when Aria’s trying to leave the cabin is like Manipulative Teacher Who’s Also a Child Molester 101 …”I want to be the person you’re closest to.”
I like how the writers casually throw in the whole “Aria’s a photographer” once every other season as if they forgot themselves.
In other news Ezra is wearing board shorts and he looks mad gay.
I actually died laughing when they played the evil music as Aria left and showed Ezra with an evil look on his face when he grasped the can of chickpeas as if it was his plan all along “AH FINALLY THE BITCH IS GONE AND I CAN MAKE MY HUMMUS IN PEACE”
I like how Ezra’s got an entire CIA operating system in his undercover floorboard like he’s fucking Carrie Mathison with her cork board.
Thoughts and other shit
How and who drove Shauna off the road?!
With all the constant spying, torturing, and pedophiling Ezra does, when does he find time to grade Spencer’s essays?
Poster of the French Twins hanging in Ali’s room – another allusion to twins.
Potential theory: Ezra was also once in Radley – he had something to do with Toby’s mom’s death (and that’s why they kept bringing it up over so many episodes despite the fact that literally no one gave a shit and now that it’s settled Toby is irrelevant to the plot) – it might have a connection to the C. Cavanaugh on the dentist sheet from last week’s episode.
Next week's black and white affair is going to be so bad it's going to be so good.
Why is Ez so obsessed with Alison, she looks like shit.