Pretty Little Liars Recap: A’s Got Hoes In One Area Code

Last night's episode was riveting. The girls go to a hoedown. A picks up knitting. Ezra grows a beard. Surprised I didn't fall off my seat from all the excitement.

I did however gain a newfound respect for the PLL writers when I noticed the episode was called “Bring Down The Hoe,” but then I lost it all when Caleb said “giddy up little doggy.” I immediately ran to the bathroom to vomit.


I love when new shadily attractive characters are introduced to the show when it's convenient. That's totally how life works.

Aria: We've all had boyfriends
Hanna: Even Emily!
Emily: Shut up Hanna.

Wouldn't it be funny if in the envelope that said “Maybe this will help you with your mom” had like 2 gift certificates to Soul Cycle in it.



Alison with the baby blue nail polish. Emily's haunted by her memories of Alison's botched pedicure jobs.

Emily: Are you growing a beard?
Ezra: WHAT, NO?!

Emily sees something moving in the hay so naturally she stabs it to death with a rake.

To Bruce: “I dont want to be the person that ends up with mushy squash.” Is that the term lesbians use for penis?


What was Toby expecting to find by breaking into old ass Dr. Palmer's car? His AARP card?

Spencer's reaction to hearing Toby's mom's song on the radio: “Toby please please take out this CD right now, your mom's voice fucking sucks.”

Toby's reaction to hearing his mom's song on the radio:




When Aria asks Jake to the hoedown: “It's been a long time since I could go to a school dance with someone that wouldn't be charged with statutory rape.”

Jake's like, way too into the Cotton-Eyed Joe.

Aria how do you feel that your ex-boyfriend has now turned into the first hipster Hulk: Ezra angry. Ezra grow beard. Ezra not father.

Other shit that definitely kept me up at night

First Toby with the trail of tears, then Ezra and Hanna. Everyone was so moody this week you'd think all their menstrual cycles were synced.

But really, why is Ezra at every school function? GET A LIFE LOSER.

This hoedown dance is like that ridiculous scene from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion to time after time.  HOW THE FUCK DO THESE KIDS KNOW HOW TO TWO STEP THEY LIVE IN PENNSYLVANIA.

I'm glad Cece finally got rid of that fugly red coat. She definitely bought it from Selena Gomez's Kmart Collection.

The fuck is Cece doing in a pile of hay? Like sure, great idea, and now you smell bad.


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