Politibetch: Hillary Clinton Pressures Chelsea To Have Some Babies Already

Hillary Clinton pushes daughter Chelsea to pop out some babies

During a Saturday meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative, Hillary Clinton was once again asked about her 2016 plans but, as always, gave an extremely vague answer. For those of you who care, Clinton's response was a generic statement along the lines of “I care a lot about this country, blah blah blah, I'll decide later”. She did add, however, that she would like daughter Chelsea Clinton, who was joining her at the meeting, to start popping out some kids. Chelsea then joked about her mom's “unaplogetic pressure, in public and in private,” which we can only assume is the politically correct way of saying “puck you miss!” Read article>>

To deal with Urkaine Crisis, Obama heads to Amsterdam

Following Crimea voting to join Russia, and Russians thinking that Obama's sanctions on them were a total fucking joke, Obama set out on four day Euro-trip to work on diffusing the situation. Besides calling an emergency meeting of the Group of 7 industrial nations, we can assume he's also gonna go smoke a J or find some edibles because Putin's like been REALLY stressing him out. He'll also be probably skipping the Anne Frank museum this trip in avoidance of the realization that this 'annexation' strategy that Putin is engaging in is distinctly parallel to what Hitler did, or some shit like that. NBD. Read article>>

Jimmy Carter thinks the NSA is monitoring his emails

Former President Jimmy Carter is convinced that the NSA is monitoring his emails. In an interview with NBC, Carter stated he believes that the surveillance practices have been “extremely liberalized” and “abused by our own intelligence agencies.” No shit Sherlock, you're an extremely public figure, obviously you're top of the list for monitoring. Carter said he now chooses to communicate with foreign leaders via snail mail. However, the ex-prez is kind of old and it’s possible that, much like my grandma, he doesn’t know how the fuck to use email. Even so, we’re being watched…

*Side note: if your paranoid stoner friend starts buying a lot stationary, this is why. Read article>>


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