Okay, you need to read the title in the same, chant-like fashion that the gang kept saying last season: ANGELINA-AIN’T-GOT-POUNDED-OUT-IN-A-LONG-TIME. It’s a super funny title and I sat here for like five minutes chanting (and clapping? for some reason) to make it Photoshop-related and still make sense. Please appreciate my efforts.
In this week’s episode of my desperate attempt to show you that celebrities/influencers all lie all over social media (and also regular media), I bring you Angelina from the American classic Jersey Shore. Hopefully these articles help you realize how full 0f sh*t everyone is, and that even celebrities don’t look like celebrities without the makeup, editing, surgery, etc. So, here we go with this week’s Photoshop fail. Angelina posted this pic last week.
First of all, I love her romper. It’s cute af and I want it, which makes me slightly ashamed because when I was in college, we had Jersey Shore themed parties where we’d dress like the cast as a joke. Now I actually like Angelina’s style? WHAT has happened?
Secondly, she did something very bad to this picture. Can you see it what it is?
If you’ve read my articles, you know the NUMBER ONE GIVEAWAY OF AN EDITING APP IS WAVY F*CKING LINES. And actually, I didn’t line them, but even the columns to the right are warped! This is why you should always check the backgrounds. See also: be happy with your body and don’t f*cking do it in the first place.
I mean. REALLY? This is sooooooooo poorly done, it’s actually crazy. Angelina, a real person, looked at this and went, “Yes. Cute.” She pushed all the lines around to make her waist and legs look thinner. In the process, she gave herself HORRIBLE bowlegs. Like what? Her left leg looks like it’s going to snap in half?
I’m not a doctor, but pretty sure that ankle would be broken?
Also. Sidenote. Those shoes don’t fit. Her toes are literally hanging out of them. Seriously, walking around like that, you would probably break an ankle for real.
What’s weird to me is that I’ve seen Angelina IRL, and honestly, she’s pretty thin. Like, why is nothing thin enough for you people? I’m sure that romper was perfectly flattering. Can’t you just leave this sh*t alone? Angelina, the woman who publicly shat her pants in a cab and announced it on TV without shame, is too embarrassed to post a pic of her real size. Which is still thin. This is what’s so crazy to me. It’s like, all these celebrities edit their photos just to look as thin as each other, when it’s all lies. Can I petition for a mass movement where everyone deletes their editing apps and stops Photoshopping themselves?
Or for the love of God, at least fix the background. I was gonna say, hasn’t Angelina taken a basic perspective class and/or anatomy class and can see how wrong this picture is? But I guess most people don’t learn those subjects. Also, I would be really surprised, like genuinely shocked, if Angelina was literate. Like, at a third grade level, even.
So to recap, children, Angelina is a super thin celeb who has already had a TON. A TON. of surgery. And she still feels the the need to pretend to be even thinner for social media. I hope this shows you why you should never compare yourself to anyone, whether it be reality stars, actors, singers, influencers, or models. They are ALL edited, ALL Photoshopped, ALL full of sh*t. The thinnest, most beautiful women in the world still somehow edit their photos (and get surgery). Comparing yourself to these images is like being mad that you don’t have Jack Skellington’s body type. They are fiction.
I also want to be clear, I actually love Photoshop. It’s my favorite software to use. I usually use it for drawing and painting, and I have brushes that simulate my real ones in my real life. But even photo editing has its uses. Using it for red eye, bad lighting, acne at an important event, getting rid of weird background stuff, I am all for. In fact, someone I know just got married and had horrible, HORRIBLE tan lines in her wedding photos. I mean, it’s distracting. Like hi, plan your bathing suit to your wedding dress. But let me tell you, if I was the photo editor, that would be something I would 100% have fixed and smoothed out to make it less noticeable.
My point is, Photoshop and editing have their uses. But please don’t use them to completely warp your face and body. It just perpetuates this idea that we all need to look like stick figure blow-up dolls with giant breasts and giant asses and tiny waists. Hopefully from these articles, you see that no one really looks like this.
For some reason, Angelina thinks women should look like this:
She’s sad because her bowlegs can’t hold up her giant boobs. (You are WELCOME for the original artwork. Can you tell I have a $200k art degree?)
Now chant it with me, everyone: ANGELINA’S-SUCKED-AT-PHOTOSHOP-FOR-A-LONG-TIME!
Send me any bad edits you find, I LOVE seeing your guys’ suggestions!
Images: Instagram @angelinamtv; Giphy; Holly Hammond, Super Serious, Professional, and Talented Artiste