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Image Credit: TikTok/@nicklachey

Petition For Nick Lachey To Never Bring Back "Music Monday"

We, those who are not hard of hearing, petition Nick Lachey to cease and desist making any future “#MusicMonday” videos wherein any use of the acoustic guitar is off limits, especially when “performing” Halsey covers. Dear god, please no more Halsey covers. We are requesting this petition be implemented after a recent video (Exhibit A) led to bleeding ears, painful digestive problems, and an irreversible ick to all human males.

As someone who started off as a 3 on the Kinsey scale (or a 4 if Cate Blanchett is involved), I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian after watching Nick Lachey sing. And as someone whose entire personality revolves around labeling myself as bisexual, this is just bad business – not just for me but also for Halsey, a bisexual icon. (Bisexuality isn’t real, it’s funded by the government to keep the straights and gays distracted.) So, in addition to this petition, we will also be suing for loss of bisexual revenue.

In short, to answer Nick Lachey’s question: “I used to do something called #MusicMonday where I’d drop weekly covers. Should I bring it back to TikTok?” No, Nick you really fucking shouldn’t. And, riffing off the immortal lyrics of Halsey, I think we can live without you.

Everyone please sign my very real and not fake petition. In addition to your signatures, I’ve gathered genuine reactions to Nick Lachey’s #MusicMonday video to submit as evidence to the court. Because regardless of the number of signatures gathered, we can all agree we need to put an end to this TikTok series before it truly begins.

Best Reactions To Nick Lachey’s Music Monday Video

@betches #duet with @Nick Lachey “can I sing at you” #musicmonday ♬ original sound – Nick Lachey

Melanie Whyte
Melanie Whyte
Melanie Whyte (she/her) leads the lifestyle and relationship verticals at Betches. As an amateur New Yorker and professional bisexual, she enjoys writing about the bane of sex and relationships in the city. She is also perpetually in her messy house era despite spending all of her money on Instagram ads.