Umm this is not a mock story it's very real. This week the U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau approved Palcohol, or powdered alcohol, and before we can get too excited about this we're going to need to see the nutrition label. But apparently it's gluten free so YAY.
Palcohol's original website was apparently in “beta form” and has since been changed because according to their new website, “we were caught off guard by the TTB making some of our approved labels public which we now know is standard procedure. As a result, people visited this website that we thought was under the radar because we had not made a formal announcement of Palcohol. There was a page visible on this site where we were experimenting with some humorous and edgy verbiage about Palcohol. It was not meant to be our final presentation of Palcohol. Also posted were labels that were incorrect.”
Here's how Palcohol describes Palochol sprinkled with humorous and edgy verbiage:
They claim the product is really intended for concerts and sporting events:
What's worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost.
They're super down to support the cause “Blackout Monday-Friday”
We've been talking about drinks so far. But we have found adding Palcohol to food is so much fun. Sprinkle Palcohol on almost any dish and give it an extra kick. Some of our favorites are the Kamikaze in guacamole, Rum on a BBQ sandwich, Cosmo on a salad and Vodka on eggs in the morning to start your day off right. Experiment. Palcohol is great on so many foods. Remember, you have to add Palcohol AFTER a dish is cooked as the alcohol will burn off if you cook with it…and that defeats the whole purpose.
Is it like, legal coke? No!
Let's talk about the elephant in the room….snorting Palcohol. Yes, you can snort it. And you'll get drunk almost instantly because the alcohol will be absorbed so quickly in your nose. Good idea? No. It will mess you up. Use Palcohol responsibly.
This has humorous and edgy verbiage has since been changed.
Can I snort it? We have seen comments about goofballs wanting to snort it. Don't do it! It is not a responsible or smart way to use the product. To take precautions against this action, we've added volume to the powder so it would take more than a half of a cup of powder to get the equivalent of one drink up your nose. You would feel a lot of pain for very little gain. Just use it the right way.
Yeah just use it the right way, put it in your gums!
Here's a list of people who should be really excited for this product:
– Kids in high school. This is getting fucked up during lunch served on a silver platter.
-Alcoholics. Now you can make anything alcoholic, even your toothpaste.
-Betches. Now we don't have to get guys to buy us drinks at bars. We just bring the vodka flavor and ask the bartender for a seltzer and voila! Free vodka sodas for
everyone me all night!