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Owen Thiele Is Most Likely To Facetune His Driver’s License Photo

Owen Thiele told me he wants this article to be titled “Owen Thiele Is Not Just A Narcissist, He’s Gay Too.” While that doesn’t fit into our Hall of Betches format, I thought it was worth mentioning. 

From his heart-adjourned acrylic nails to his well-mastered smize, Owen is someone you instantly want to become friends with. He stars in the newly released Theater Camp alongside his close friends Ben Platt, Noah Galvin, Molly Gordon, and Jimmy Tatro. It’s a fun satire that retired theater kids (AKA theater adults) will die over. If you’ve ever been to a Denny’s at 11pm wearing stage makeup after taking your final bow in “Bye Bye Birdie,” this one’s for you! 

When watching the movie, the real-life behind-the-scenes friendships are obvious and endearing. “It was a real camp, but we’re all in our mid-twenties and we’re not just starting our periods,” Owen says.“It was amazing because it was so hot and so miserable, and there was goose poop everywhere, and there was E. coli in the lake, and yet we were crying and laughing and having the best time.” 

For the record, Margot Robbie described the Barbie movie set the same way.  

HALL OF BETCHES INDUCTION:

OWEN THIELE

HALL-OF-BETCHES-OWENTHIELE
Image Credit: Betches

Did you have a special comfort object or toy that you couldn’t sleep without when you were little?

Yeah, I had a rainbow little bear, which is kind of foreshadowing my gayness. Pride as a 2-year-old! It was called Owen Bear, so also the narcissism portion of that, too. 

Protect Owen Bear at all costs. What was your go-to lunch when you were a kid?

I think it was a turkey sandwich. And then Katie, who’s sitting with me, dared me that I wouldn’t bring a turkey sandwich to school the next day, and I dared her. Then the next day, she brought a fucking turkey sandwich to school and I didn’t and became a vegetarian. Now I’ve been a vegetarian for my whole life, basically, until now.

Talk about a cannon event. What is your death row meal?

I think like a spicy vodka pasta, yum, and a gin martini, yum.

Stunning. What is your biggest fashion regret as a kid?

I had this thing where I wore multiple bandanas on my head and you could see a color, just a strip of each color, like a layered bandana look. I think that was so ugly and I would also wear it now, which is weird. Do you know what I mean? But, looking back on those pictures, I’m like, “Take the fucking bandanas off.”

That kind of answers my next question. Are there any fashion trends from your childhood you would like to see make a comeback (in addition to the layered bandanas)?

I wore really low pants with a really shiny belt. That was my look, I think, inspired by Britney and such and my parents were always pulling my pants up. But I love a low pants now, and I love a shiny belt. Kind of cute.

You and Bella Hadid, the champions of the low-rise jean. Okay, next: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress a crush?

Oh my God. Okay. Wait, let me think. Huh. This is a horrible one, but there was this man named [REDACTED]. This man who I was seeing, he was at NYU for Stern. He was at business school and I pretended I was at business school, so we would have to walk into the business school together. Then he would go to his class and I would run back out to my theater classes and then I’d meet him back at Stern. One day he asked me, “Now what are you studying?” And I said, “Business.” He said, “What kind of business?” And I said, “Business.” So that was embarrassing. He figured it out eventually, but I’m sure there’s a worse one, but I just can’t think of any.

Not a businessman, but a business, man. If you could be best friends with any TV or movie character, who would it be?

Raven from That’s So Raven. Raven Baxter. She is my number one answer. I want to be friends with her. She’s so fun. I also want somebody to tell me my future… Like when someone’s going to break up with me.

Pivoting to real-life celebs, who would you want at your dream dinner party?

Okay. Marilyn Monroe. I just want to know what’s going on. Barack Obama, just because I need a little smart there. Someone who’s brilliant. Kim Kardashian. Oh, who’s another really good one? I would love to sit with Kate Winslet, so fun. Probably Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. and Taylor Swift. Wait. Oh, you know what? Maybe take Kim Kardashian out and just put her salads in front of us and then put Sabrina Carpenter there. Fun. Love her.

Honestly, if anyone can solve the Taylor Swift/Kim Kardashian feud it’s Barack Obama. What is the last thing you searched on the internet?

My heart was beating last night at a weird rate. It was about 4:00am, I got home and I was like, “Am I having a heart attack?” So that was the last thing. I searched “pulse in wrist fast.”

Relatable. What kind of things do you write in your Notes app? 

I need to look. Let’s look. Let’s really do this. This is me telling myself that I can’t go out. It says, “I have to stay home and pack.” So that’s what I write in my Notes. I think I write things to remind myself. I’m a big yes man, and I find myself in situations I really don’t want to be in. So I have to write things like, “Owen, go home tonight.” You know what I mean? So I can look and check in.

Again, relatable. Okay, lastly, was this a fun interview or are you bored?

I loved it. Let’s do more. I’m having the time of my life.This is so fun. I would love this over Aperol Spritz. I’m ready for a fucking cocktail. I’m done.

Photography by Laura Valencia

Steph Perlman
Steph Perlman
Steph Perlman is Betches' Entertainment Editor. She's a Kardashian historian, Real Housewives enthusiast, and Pete Davidson apologist.