Oh God, It’s Gemini Season: Weekly Horoscopes May 20-24

Strap in everybody, because Gemini season is upon us. The good news? Every sign is about to see major changes in their love, social, career, and family lives. The bad news? Every sign is about to see major changes in their love, social, career, and family lives. The next few weeks are going be all about taking the good with the bad, and staying calm when everything feels like an absolute disaster. We’ll get through it, I promise.


You know that sh*t you’ve been procrastinating since the end of 2018? Yeah, it’s time to get that done. Once you do, the stars are aligned for you to sprout wings and become the social butterfly of your dreams. But no butterfly can fly if it’s dragging a bunch of unfinished baggage around. Is that how butterflies work? Does this metaphor make sense?


Taurus season is coming to an end, which could put you in kind of a funk, but only if you let it! Spend the first half of the week honoring Taurus season by pampering the f*ck out of yourself, then ring in the Gemini by letting yourself get a little messy. Depending on what type of Taurus you are, that could mean anything from not checking off one of your eleven daily goals to stealing a boat and waking up in international waters married to a billionaire. Either/or.


Welcome to your season, b*tch! Get ready for everyone to start acting a little more like you, aka fun as f*ck but low-key psycho. You’ve got one more day to harness that Taurus energy and get your sh*t in order before your Gemini side takes over and then…well…what happens in Gemini season stays in Gemini season. I’m pretty sure that argument will hold up in court.


Get ready for some serious self-reflection, Cancer. The start of Gemini season has you looking critically at your life, which means now is the perfect time for you to start thinking about all the stuff in your life that’s holding you back. Fair-weather friends, hookups that aren’t going anywhere, and yes, even those outfits from college that do not fit anymore. You’ll be better off without ‘em.


Your communication skills are through the roof right now, so if there are any awkward conversations you’ve been avoiding, this is a good week to bite the bullet. Need a raise? Ask now. Need to define a relationship? Send the preliminary “can we talk?” text. You’ll find that this week, you miraculously have all the words to explain why you need all the money/love/freedom your heart desires.


It’s time to do something that you literally hate but will help you in the long run—ask for help. The stars are aligned for all your wildest bullet journal dreams to come true, but you’re going to need a little extra push to get over the edge. Think of someone who can help you with one of your goals and send them a “can I pick your brain over coffee?” request. Just try not to put too many exclamation points in the email.


Taurus season turned you into a literal Instagram detective, but it’s time to wrap up your investigations and figure out what to do with all of the information you have gathered. You don’t need to follow up on every lead, and there’s definitely a difference between “keeping it real” and “being a giant bitch.” Choose carefully.


You are in a glass case of emotion rn Scorpio, and that’s okay. Gemini season is hard on everybody. The only thing you should absolutely *not* do right now is try to sweep those emotions under the rug for the sake of seeming chill. That is a recipe for a drunken brunch outburst if I’ve ever heard one. Being honest and gentle with yourself will help you feel better faster, and “chill” people are all secretly psycho anyway.


Time to check in with your old friends, Sagittarius! You know, the people who knew you when you had bad eyebrows (but also knew never to bring it up). Rekindling some of your OG friendships will help you reconnect with your roots, and maybe even help you rediscover some lost hobbies you can start up again. Do people still make mix CDs?


The time to lock down your summer romance is now, Capricorn. But in order to do that, you’re going to have to put yourself out there. Make some plans off the beaten path this week in hopes of meeting someone you wouldn’t normally run into. They could be The One! Or at the very least, The One Who Is Buying You A Drink Right Now.


You’re another sign whose love life is heating up, Aquarius! But that doesn’t mean you feel like settling down. Play the field this week and see if anyone gives you the feeling they could be a more lasting thing. Not that they have to. It’s 2019, after all.


You’re f*cking tired, Pisces, and that’s okay. Taurus season took a lot out of you and now it’s time to chill. Go ahead and cancel all your evening plans (let’s be real, you always knew you were going to) and spend this week regaining your strength. Also, canceling plans feels amazing, 10/10 would recommend.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.