Trashy reality TV fans, our worlds have finally collided. Jax Taylor of Vanderpump Rules and Nick Viall of whoring himself out on ABC The Bachelor(ette)(in Paradise) met at a party at a nightclub in California (figures), and Nick was a douchebag to Jax. Jax went on Bravo’s podcast (sidenote: they have a podcast?) and talked about his meeting with Nick, which apparently didn’t go so well. Nick Viall? Acting like an asshole? Groundbreaking.
It all supposedly started when Jax asked Nick to take a picture with him, and Nick refused because I guess he’s too good for Bravo’s #1 reality TV show, but not too good to flail around awkwardly on ABC for ratings. So Jax said, “First of all, buddy, don’t toot your own horn, I have no f—ing idea who you are,” which makes no sense because Jax asked him to take the picture. Does he just go around asking for photos with random dudes? Eh, seems like something Jax might do, actually.
Jax added, “I know you’re on The Bachelor,” so he does know who Nick is! And then delivered this sick burn: “Okay, good for you, great. You’re on a disposable reality show that you’ll be gone in five minutes and no one will know who you are, so you want to get your five minutes of fame in now.”
I mean, Jax is not wrong. Nick only has two appearances on The Bachelorette, one stint on Bachelor in Paradise, and one season as the Bachelor to his name, while Jax has been a major character on all five seasons of Vanderpump Rules. If you can’t do basic math, that means Jax has been relevant in the reality TV world for one more season than Nick, which is equivalent to like, at least half an hour in the real world. Then again, with Nick appearing on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars, he’ll be neck and neck with Jax in terms of screen time. So I think it’s fair to say that this is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle irrelevant.
Apparently Jax continued to make fun of Nick for not using social media (because Nick gets his attention the old fashioned way: appearing on spinoff after spinoff and refusing to go back to his day job), and even called him a “f—ing piece of shit.” LOL. Now THIS sounds like the Jax we all know and love. Then Jax called Nick a douchebag and they got into “a heated exchange.”
I have a lot of questions, naturally, but the one that stands out is: What was Nick doing this entire time? Like, did he just stand there when Jax hurled insults at him? Did he cry? I bet he cried. I wonder if we’ll see this exchange on an episode of Vanderpump Rules next season. Knowing Nick, he’ll make a cameo just to squeeze an extra five minutes of fame out of it.
OMG, wait. I was joking, but now that I think about it, that’s TOTALLY something Nick would do. Bravo fans, we cannot let this happen. It’s bad enough that James and Lala came in and tried to replace Stassi; we absolutely CANNOT allow Nick Viall to come into our house show and fuck it up with his lysping, turtleneck-wearing, beach-volleyball-lurking, crying-all-the-time ass. Bravo, if you’re listening to me, make sure Nick Viall stays the hell away from our favorite franchise. We’re counting on you.
