Nick Jonas And Priyanka Chopra Are Engaged

After approximately 30 seconds of dating, it was announced on Friday that Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra are engaged. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “What is happening to the world?” A source told PEOPLE that Nick popped the question a week ago, on Priyanka’s 36th birthday, while they were in London. In the immortal words of Stanley Hudson, “Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I’ll help you find it!”

Sources say the two are “so happy” and that Nick is “very serious about her.” Well, I should hope so, considering that getting engaged means you’re intending to spend the rest of your life with the other person. Nick should really take this seriously given that he’s going to be alive for longer than Priyanka.

No details on when the wedding will be, obviously. I personally think that none of these celebrities getting engaged actually intend to make it down the aisle. I think that, for them, getting engaged is a fun thing you do in your relationship, like going to IKEA or getting a dog. And, I mean, when celebrity marriages can last 72 days, and even some of the so-called “strongest” couples get divorced after nine years, why would they consider marriage with any real gravity? Hollywood is a strange, f*cked up world, that’s for sure.

But, uh, congratulations to Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, and I won’t be holding my breath for the wedding. Cheers!