I’m Newly Single and I’ve Lost My Game: Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

First of all, thanks for existing. Your shit is almost creepily on point, and always hilarious. I actually kind of look forward to waking up late after a night of getting black-out, hitting the bong a couple times and lurking your most recent posts. A+

Anyway, a little while ago I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. We had a pretty healthy relationship and (maybe) really loved each other. The trouble was, after a year and a half of dating, he got way too comfortable and started treating more like one of his bros than a girlfriend.

Example: for our last Valentine's Day, I woke up before noon on a Saturday to secure tickets for one of his favorite bands AND went all the way to Brooklyn to pick up food from his favorite deli. His grand gesture was a pack of cigarettes which he grabbed from a bodega on his way to class. WTF? I'd have rather received a fucking mix-tape full of Nickelback songs. At least that shit takes some thought, you know?

So, after a couple months of giving this bro chance after chance to get his shit together without seeing any results, I'd had enough. Thankfully, while we were together I'd made an active effort to keep from morphing into the UGH, so I still had plenty of besties and a legit social life independent of him. And after three years of being the responsible betch at the bar, I was ready to rage, and hook-up.

However, I quickly discovered that I might not exactly know what I'm doing. When we started dating, I had just turned 19. Now I'm 22 and attracted to/have more in common with an older, much higher caliber of bro/pro, which, of course, means I'll be playing a more sophisticated version of the game.

The problem is, I've forgotten how to win, or maybe I don't even know how to anymore. I know navigating the whole mind-game thing is supposed to be innate betch knowledge, but it's kind of hard to access it when you've been on the bench for three years.

Any advice for a betch trying to get back out there?

Lost Betch

Dear Lost Betch,

I think you're over-thinking this one. It can be perplexing to a betch when she starts being single after college. Unlike when you're at school which is a massive feeding frenzy of blacking out and hooking up, the post college dating life is slightly different in that the guys you meet don't automatically know everything about you and won't see you every night for four years straight. You haven't changed. The game has changed.

That being said, you need to chill out and not give a shit about securing yourself another boyfriend or hook up. You should go out to have fun with your friends and enjoy being single and not having to do annoying shit like going to fucking Brooklyn. Stop being so obsessed with getting guys to hook up with you and more guys will want to hook up with you. The best betches are the ones that go out to have fun not ones that go out to land themselves a #19 fuck buddy. If you don't give a shit, your game takes care of itself.

It sucks that you're finally single when blacking out and hooking up takes a backseat to disgusting shit like doing work and being healthy. But as long as you stay confident and pretty, meeting guys happens naturally. So don't worry about your game. The best game if having a fucking life. As they say in Field of Dreams, if you look hot, they will come.


The Betches


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