New Year, Full Moon, Bring Booze: Weekly Horoscopes Dec 28-Jan 1

Its the last few days of 2020! What could go wrong? No, seriously. I’m making a list for mental preparation. This week we cap off 2020 with a full moon in Cancer, giving us permission to feel the absolute f*ck out of our feelings as we try to make sense of the past year of our lives. Don’t be surprised if your phone starts blowing up with gushy end of year posts, long texts to the core crew, and even some *gasp* nostalgia for the year we’re leaving behind this week. 


With a full moon in Cancer, you want nothing more than to stay the f*ck home, which is great because that’s kind of all you’re legally supposed to do anyway. And if you decide to go all the way and embrace the “home for the holidays” thing by being in bed by 12:01am on New Years? That’s just what the Universe had planned for you. 


If there’s anyone who knows how to make a low-key New Years classy as f*ck, it’s you, Taurus. This week you’re ready to embrace the whole “no giant parties” vibe by planning a decadent meal for your quar pod, or springing for the fancy champagne for your zoom countdown. Who cares if people judge you for your NYE-themed sequined loungewear? 


Here’s some good news: a low-key New Years means you’re less likely to start 2021 with a negative checking account and no recollection of how that even happened. With the full moon in Cancer, now is time for a little financial self-audit. Download one of the bajillion budgeting apps there are out there and get to work. 


You’re ending the year with the moon in your sign, meaning you might be feeling an urge to get a jumpstart on your 2021 plans. Can anyone blame you for wanting to leave 2020 behind? Bust out your fancy new notebook (we all got one at some point this month) and get to writing down those resolutions. Just be sure to add in a disaster clause in case of global pandemic, flood, burning rain, etc… 


Give it up, Leo! All that sh*t you were supposed to do in 2020 but didn’t because you know, everything? Give it up. The unrealistic goals you’re already setting for yourself in 2021? Give them up. With the full moon in water sign Cancer, right now is about washing away the old year and going with the flow into the new. New Years resolutions are made to be broken anyway. 


Who are the people you’re taking into the new year and who is being left in 2020? With the moon rounding out the year in Cancer, you’ll be feeling closer than ever to your core crew. On the flip side, those who haven’t even bothered to throw you a like on any of your hilarious posts all quarantine? They are *off* the close friends list. 


Knocking one last thing off your to-do list on the week between Christmas and New Years? You just might be crazy enough to do it, Libra. Many have tried. Many have failed. But with the power of the Cancer moon on your side, anything is possible—even answering emails during the holidays.


You’re not ready to give up on New Years Eve 2020 just yet, so let your sense of adventure (and the CDC’s guidelines for social gatherings) be your guide! Yeah, it might look a little different than previous years (i.e no sweating your ass off grinding on strangers in a too-crowded bar until 6am), but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be fun. And it doesn’t mean you can’t still be drunk. So at least there’s that. 


A steamy New Years kiss? In this economy? I guess so! With the moon in Cancer, aka your house of eroticism, you may find yourself desperate for someone to smooch (and then some) at midnight. Might not be the best idea, but there’s no way to talk you out of it so we’ll just say be safe! Make good choices! 


Chances are there’s one person who really helped get you through this year, and now is the time to thank them. With the full moon in lovey-dovey Cancer, you cant help but let that special someone in your life know that you literally could not have done this year without them. And yes, that special someone can be a cat. 


If there is one thing we’ve all learned to appreciate this year, it’s our health. No wonder you’re kicking off 2021 with a self-care journey, and for the first time in forever that doesn’t mean buying an expensive gym membership you never use and can’t get out of. Now if only your husband had gotten you a Peloton for Christmas…


Do you have a message for the world this New Year’s Eve? Don’t hold back! Chances are the start of the new year has your creative juices flowing, and you just can’t help but share your art with the world. And by art, we do mean a lip sync video on TikTok. Genius!

Images: Giphy

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.