New Girl Recap: It’s Like Whatever

We're starting to forget why we're recapping this show. Like I was sitting here laughing at Jess looking like a complete fool tripping over her heels at the car show but only because it was just so sad. Where has Schmidt gone? Physically he is there, but spiritually I feel empty. Bring back the douchebag jar, bring back some episodes about relationships, I'm starting to like Winston for fuck sake.

Long story short, Schmidt is mad that Nick doesn't love him as much as he loves Nick and Jess gives Cece shit for being a model and for wanting to go out on her birthday. When did this show become Sesame Street? After the first debate?

But actually, nothing about this episode was relatable. NO girls get into boob slap fights — that was so weird. Is the producer some skeevy perv? Honestly the only thing that really saved the ep was Jess getting trapped in that Ford while she was supposed to be showing off how great the car was… It's not that hard to get out of, I promise! ….and Nadia, the stupid russian model.

Nadia: Yeah we go out tonight… let the dogs out…catch gypsies…ha. I so excited, I shake dis ting dat my momma gave me. Yulo.

Nadia: Dance Monkeh!
Jess: I don't want to (or something to that effect)
Nadia: Monkeh no!

Nadia: Dis is Vilmer Valderrama
Jess: No it's not

Nick: Who's your favorite actor?
Schmidt: Brian Austin Green

Cece: You embarassed me in front of my collegaues! (model friends)
Jess: Are you kidding me, it's not like you work at the UN

So betches, what did you think? Am I being too hard on New Girl because I took too much adderall or was last night just genuinely boring? Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.


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