Netflix Is $20 Billion In Debt Because You're Still Using Your Ex's Account

We all remember the days when half the fun of a sleepover was piling into a car and forcing your parents to drag you to a local Blockbuster so you could walk down the sexy movie aisle and scandalize yourself pick out a family-friendly film to watch over some butter popcorn. Sadly, Blockbuster went bankrupt because the internet happened and people stopped leaving the house. Now Netflix is the name of the game, and it will be here forever, with parents passing their precious accounts down from generation to generation until the Sun explodes and we all turn to dust….or will it?!? According to a report in the LA Times, despite the fact that Netflix is literally a staple of modern life—it’s not “HBOGO and Chill,” after all—Netflix is apparently in a spot of trouble. And by “a spot of trouble,” I mean “$20 billion in debt.” Fuck. How could this happen? Literally, how the fuck could this happen? I did not go on 50+ Bumble Dates where some bro told me I “have to” watch Stranger Things for Netflix to be $20 billion in debt. I [my parents] have been paying them $7.99 per/month since before I’d ever tried alcohol. What gives?

**Briefly considers buying own Netflix account**
**chokes on laughter**

Netflix has over 104 million subscribers worldwide, and its content accounts for more than a third of all prime-time download Internet traffic in North America. It has over 50 original shows and has gotten 91 Emmy nominations so like…how the f are you $20.54 billion in debt? Is that how much it cost to get the Fuller House cast together? I’m confused.

Apparently, Netflix is unconcerned, and they have no intention of ending their over-the-top spending anytime soon. Same. I mean, you know what they say, you gotta spend money to make money or whatever. At least, that’s what I tell myself every time I max out another credit card. Haven’t gotten to the “make money” part of that plan yet, but I’m sure it is coming.

Anyway, here’s hoping Netflix gets their shit together because I’d hate to have to start inviting bros over for sex under the pretext of watching something on Hulu. That would be so embarrassing. 

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.