Natalie Portman Just Had a Baby and She’s Already Skinnier Than Us

By 50 Shades Of Betch | March 6, 2017
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Natalie Portman, black swan of our hearts and arguably one of the most perfect people on the planet, is a new mother again. In a classic A-list move, she had the baby on February 22 but waited over a week to tell anyone about it, because privacy or some bullshit. Natalie Portman’s daughter was born just four days before the Oscars, which explains why Natalie wasn’t there, even though she was nominated for Jackie and probs would’ve looked stunning.

 

Her new baby is a little girl named Amalia Millepied, which is a pretty name but with a name like that it kind of sounds like she could grow up to be psychotic and like, key a guy’s car if he does her wrong. We’re into it. It’s her second kid, after her son Aleph in 2011. It’s pretty disappointing that she didn’t also name her daughter after a letter in the Hebrew alphabet—we were personally rooting for Gimel—but whatever. Tbh if you want your future son to find a hot Jewish wife, have a kid now so they’re in Amalia’s age group.

Really we’ve never quite gotten over the fact that Natalie married the choreographer from Black Swan, Benjamin Millepied—aside from the fact that his last name conjures up some serious insect horror movie vibes. Like sure he’s good-looking and French and probably insanely flexible, but didn’t he like, abuse her while they were making the movie? It’s none of our business really, which is exactly why we care so much.

So now it’s time for Natalie to get her body back, which for her probably consists of like one pilates class a week and some intense stretching. She’s always been a skinny bitch, so it should only be a matter of weeks until shitty tabloids are starting anorexia rumors about her again.

Best of luck to Natalie and baby Amalia, and we better see some cute baby pictures soon.