Recently it seems like there’s been no shortage of period-related tech products that claim to make our times of the month easier with the use of some complicated gadget that technically does not even exist yet because it’s still in the Kickstarter phase. We wrote about period underwear, AKA THINX when they first emerged—which, for the record, I’m still not convinced actually work if you bleed more than like, one speck—and I ranted about the LOONCUP over a year ago, which, if you’ve forgotten (probably a solid choice), was a menstrual cup THAT TALKS TO YOU.
Well, this trend of unnecessary menstrual technology continues with my.Flow, a smart tampon that tells you when you change your tampon (among other things). Call me old-fashioned, but I’m a firm believer that if you’re a grown-ass woman who can’t handle the responsibility of remembering when to remove the piece of cotton lodged inside your vaginal canal, you are not really mature enough to wear a tampon in the first place. It’s not like wearing a tampon is a huge responsibility, for the record. Like, all I’m saying is, if you can’t remember to not give yourself Toxic Shock Syndrome or, like, set an alarm on your phone every couple of hours, I think having to walk around in basically a blood diaper is a reasonable punishment.
So, anyway, my.Flow is a tampon that is not like a regular tampon, it’s a cool tampon, because it has an extra-long string—I’m talking SIX TO TWELVE INCHES, good luck swimming with that thing—that connects via Bluetooth to a sensor that attaches to your waistband. Yeah, because I would rather wear a beeper on my hip that sends my a notification on my phone every 8 hours than just set a fucking alarm on said phone. And I would also rather pay $50 for the hip sensor plus an additional $13 a month for these tampons, which is more than regular tampons cost (which are already pretty expensive to begin with), to get this technology that I definitely need. Definitely.