After finishing Riverdale and not knowing what to do with my life, I figured I’d give The Bold Type a try. This was for a few reasons. One, it’s all on Hulu. Two, the same friend who
harassed recommended I try Riverdale is also super into The Bold Type. So I figured, why not give it a go? Mistake. I mean, first of all, the shows are not similar at all. Second of all, The Bold Type is so unrealistic I rage quit after like, 10 minutes. I am told that the show does get really good, but sorry, I couldn’t do it. Meaning, I’ll probably give it a week and then end up bingeing the entire season. But what caused my initial rage quit is that this show makes literally no sense. Not one single thing about the first 10 minutes of this show is even slightly founded in reality. Don’t know what I mean? Good, because I’m about to break it down in angry list form, whether you like it or not.
1. That A 25-Year-Old Would Be The Director Of Anything, At Any Company
So we start this show and Kat is the social media director of Scarlet, which is basically Cosmo. And like, the idea that a 25-year-old could be the director of anything aside from their own Etsy business selling handmade jewelry is pretty laughable. But the social media director for a huge magazine? Lol. Cosmo‘s own social media director graduated from college in 2006 (yeah, I stalked her, persecute me), which according to my estimates would make her about 32-34 years old. So we’re nearly a decade off. Sure, maybe having people in their mid-30s isn’t as “sexy” or “hip” or whatever as a twentysomething, but like, couldn’t they have just made Kat like, a social media associate or some shit? Also, why is this girl running around trying to secure article subjects? Aren’t you supposed to be on social media? Get back to Twitter.
2. That A Magazine Would Have A Full-Time Writer In The First Place
So, confession time, I worked at a magazine, and the concept of having someone paid, full-time, ON SALARY, just to be a writer is just as hilarious as a 25-year-old director. Granted, I didn’t work at Cosmo, but it was a large magazine with multiple titles in many states across the country, so I’d imagine it functions similarly. We didn’t have staff writers; we used freelancers. And after a quick glance at Cosmo‘s masthead, they don’t have full-time writers either. They have “contributors” aka freelancers. Ah, just as I suspected. There’s a reason I go by Sgt. Olivia Betchson on here. Know why publications use freelancers? Because it LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE to give someone a salary when their only contribution to an entire issue is ONE PIECE on how to stalk your unstalk-able ex! That’s literally one piece per month. Like, congrats on finding the cushiest job in the world, JANE—I can see why it was such a big “promotion”.
3. That Anyone Would Care That They Did A Similar Story Last Year
Anyone who’s ever flipped through a magazine has probably picked up on the fact that they’re constantly writing about the same shit, year after year. There’s a reason every magazine does shit like “The Best Swimsuits For Your Body” every summer—because that shit is timely and people want to read about it year after year. So when Jan from The Office was like, “We can’t do that story, we did a similar one last year” I actually spit out my drink. I truly cannot imagine a world in which anybody would care. Also, the magazine I worked at was literally structured around having the same shit every year. Like, every March is the “Best of The City” issue and every December is the gift guide or whatever. Unless the pitch was highly specific, like, about a certain restaurant or something that was already written about, nobody would GAF. But then again if this aspect had been realistic we never would have gotten the Eric storyline (that I didn’t even make it to, but whatever), so there’s that.
4. The Pitching Process
Why do all movies and TV shows depict pitching like “hey I’m just gonna run around the office and yell ideas at the Editor in Chief and chase her around while she’s on the way to her next meeting until she eventually likes one of my ideas”? That’s fucking anarchy. No. Pitching is a highly streamlined process that happens well in advance of whatever issue the (FREELANCE) writers are pitching for. Otherwise, again, this shit would never work because magazines work months ahead. How would you even keep track of what’s coming up in the next issue if every topic was thrown at you while you were literally on the move? Can you imagine doing that for like, 50-plus articles? NO. Yah, I get that going the accurate route might not be as “fun” or “interesting” but it also would have kept at least one more viewer (me), and isn’t that what this is all about? No? Okay. I’ll see myself out.
5. This Subway Station
Seriously, what subway station is this? Asking for myself. I take the N/W/R to 59th St. every single day and its appearance rivals that of a trap house. Trust me, I have probably spent a good third of my life stalled there because of “signal problems” or whatever bullshit the MTA is trying me with on a given day. Where are these subway stations that look nicer than my apartment? Maybe on the 2nd Ave. Q line, but there’s no 59th St. stop on that line, so. Freeform, you have some explaining to do.
Tune in next time, when I ruin your favorite show with logic and reasoning. Comment below with your suggestions.