The past twelve months have been total garbage in every area but one: Dramatic celebrity breakups. Let’s be honest, when your own life is crashing and burning, there’s nothing as comforting as watching the relationships of the rich and facelifted do the same thing. I’m not talking about your amicable splits—the kind that are announced in ultra-sanitized press releases that throw around stuff like “love” and “caring.” (Exhibit A: Bella Hadid and the Weeknd. There had to be some shady shit going down that we haven’t heard about.) I mean the kind of drama that takes you back to high school, or maybe the events of last Saturday night but you were blackout so it doesn’t count.
The point is, schadenfreude is a powerful thing. Here are the craziest breakups of the year to remind you that things could be so much worse—if you were famous, all those post-breakup Snapchats of you crying would be all over the Internet.
6. Nick Young & Iggy Azalea
Iggy hasn’t done a whole lot this year, probably because she was busy sleeping on the piles of money she made from that song we were all obsessed with in 2014. But one thing she did do was dump her basketball player fiancé, Nick Young, after she caught him bringing women back to their house. Here’s where you’re going to want to clutch your pearls: She found out about his cheating (for the second time) from watching security footage of the house while she was away, like a rightfully paranoid betch. Add in some rumors that Young got his side piece pregnant and some tweets Iggy later deleted, and you have one of the most ~dramatic breakups of the year.
5. Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt
There have been a bunch of child custody issues during Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s divorce, but honestly, this is dramatic mostly because our moms won’t shut up about how sad it is. Hellooo, Scheana and Shay’s divorce was like, way more tragic.
4. Jennifer Lopez & Casper Smart
J. Lo continues to be an inspiration to us all. This year, she unceremoniously dumped her on-again, off-again hot young BF, Casper Smart, after he cheated on her twice. Since then he’s apparently been regretting all his life choices and getting sad breakup tattoos, while she’s been in the studio with her ex-husband and taking selfies with Drake. I don’t need to tell you who won that breakup.
3. Amber Heard & Johnny Depp
Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s divorce was the only thing that could upstage Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’s breakup. It would be a messy breakup in the first place—among other things, Amber filed for divorce not long after the death of Johnny’s mother, and he’s apparently refusing to pay the settlement—but there have been serious allegations of domestic abuse that are all playing out publicly. Basically, it sucks on every possible level.
2. Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris
Please try to suppress your gag reflex upon seeing Taylor Swift’s name. In case you forcibly blocked it from your memory, Swifty and Calvin were all anyone could talk about this spring. It started out as an amicable split, but after like two weeks, Taylor started dating Tom Hiddleston in the grossest, most public manner. She also decided this was a good time to admit she was a writer on one of Calvin’s songs, as if she wasn’t getting enough attention already.
This prompted Calvin to post a glorious series of now-deleted tweets directed at Taylor, and tbh this would normally make him a fuckboy but as it turns out, Taylor is way more of a snake that she appears.
1. Rob Kardashian & Blac Chyna
Come on, you had to know this was going to be on here. Earlier this week, Blac Chyna left Rob Kardashian without warning, taking their daughter, Dream, and a bunch of Eggo waffles with her. How do we know so much about the contents of their freezer? Because they both chronicled the whole thing on social media like that was a totally normal and sane thing to do. Rob also cried on Snapchat about the whole thing. The holidays really are the most wonderful time of the year.