Mercury Sends Her Regards: Weekly Horoscopes March 11-15

Happy Monday, Betches! This week we’ve lost an hour of sleep and gained a…..Mercury retrograde. That’s what they call a lose-lose scenario, I believe. You may find, over the next couple days, that you appear to have zero control over your life and the things happening in it. That’s Mercury, here to mess with your mind for at least another week. If it’s any consolation, you have never had any control over your life. She’s just making it more obvious.  What other kind of mayhem can you expect this week? Read all about it in your betchy weekly horoscopes March 11-15.


Sometimes it is, in fact, too late to say sorry, Aries. Can’t believe Justin Bieber lead us astray on that one. This week, dedicate yourself to mending bridges before they’ve burned themselves to the ground. You aren’t too late yet, but the window is steadily closing. These kinds of things are never easy, but take solace in the fact that you won’t be the only uncomfortable party. Reconciling is rough, but not as rough as losing friends. Swallow that pride and start reaching out to people, before you don’t have anyone to reach out to at all.



This is a week for internal reflection, Taurus. You’re so typically on the go that you rarely take the time to look at yourself and figure out how you’re feeling. Try carving out some time over the next couple days to really focus on yourself. Are you happy? Stressed? Content? Can you identify a single emotion that you’re feeling? If not, you may have some internal matters to address.


Despite popular opinion, you are not a bottomless source of emotional support. Try remembering that this week when every person you know comes knocking. Helping people is one thing, but it is not your job to fix people. One more time for the people in the back: It is not your job to fix people. Flip things around and try putting yourself first for the next couple days. It’ll feel foreign, but it’ll also feel good. You can’t build people up if you’re busy crashing to the ground.

I Can Fix That


Do not let other people define your worth, Cancer. Not this week. Not ever. Believe me, people will try; the next couple days will be a veritable minefield of opinions that you did not ask for. But just because people offer them does not mean that you need to listen. Spend the next couple days studiously ignoring those around you and following your gut. It may get you into sticky situations from time to time, but this will not be one of them.


We all outgrow stuff we love, Leo. It’s tragic, but it happens. Much like butterfly clips and eyeliner exclusively on the lower lid, sometimes we need to bid farewell to the things that we love. This week, you’ll be tasked with closing some of those chapters, but we’re going to warn you to be very decisive about what you say goodbye to. These decision should not be made lightly, so be sure that you’re truly ready to move on from whatever it is that choose to leave behind. No pressure, but this is kind of a big deal. Try not to mess up.

Move on


You, my dear Virgo, have a tendency to stand back and watch the action happen. This week, that will not be the case. For better or for worse, you’re going to find yourself thrust right into the middle of the action; it’s on you to decide how to adapt to it. We’d highly recommend going with the flow, because the alternative would be awkward as hell. Who knows, you may find that you love your brief time in the limelight. If not, don’t worry, things will be back to their usual programmed anonymity next week.


You’re not one to shy from communication, Libra. In fact, you thrive in it, never having any problem verbalizing the way you, or those around you, feel. That, however, will not be the case this week. Mercury is going to have you feeling a little tongue-tied, and you’re going to find that it might be easier to go it alone rather than try and bring others on your journey. But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing! Growth comes from moments when we’re uncomfortable, so don’t hesitate to experience life alone this week. Not everything is meant to be shared, and even if it is, there’s no shame in keeping it to yourself for a bit.


Ready to open up, Scorpio? No. Well too bad, because it’s happening whether you like it or not. This week, Mercury is going to be throwing a whole lot of sh*t at you, and the only way you’re going to get through it is either with a fatal amount of alcohol, or by leaning on your friends. The first one wasn’t really an option, so get ready to start feeling the slightest bit vulnerable. Those closest to you know that this will be a supreme effort on your part, so they’re going to be at their most supportive. Take a breath and dive right in to the unknown; it only gets better from here.


There’s no shame in a little backsliding, Sagittarius. This week you’ll find yourself assaulted by old feelings, ones you thought you’d long since repressed forgotten. It’s going to be disorienting and uncomfortable, but it’s also going to pass. Until it does, do not hesitate to surround yourself with any and all creature comforts to distract yourself.  Life is hard, but mac and cheese is not. Curl up with a bowl of something warm and carb-y, turn on something mind-numbing, and ride out this wave of overwhelming meh. It’ll all feel better in a few days.


This is a week for relinquishing control, Capricorn. Yeah, you heard me. Release that white-knuckled grip on every aspect of your life and spend the next couple of days going with the flow. Sounds impossible? I assure you, it’s not. Start with some baby steps by incorporating small acts of spontaneity into your routine. A new coffee shop on your way to work, perhaps. A different lunch order, if you’re feeling crazy. Throw caution to the wind and skip your typical workout in favor of doing something fun. With each passing act of rebellion, you’ll find you’re less and less inclined to pull your hair out.


Never apologize for the way you feel, Aquarius. Actually, let’s take a few steps back—never apologize for feeling. Despite what you’ll have others believe, you do possess the capacity to feel emotion, and this week, you’ll be feeling a lot. You may feel like a burden reaching out to friends to talk, but I can almost guarantee that you are the only person who feels this way. Your friends are there to help, and will probably jump at the chance to listen to you voluntarily, soberly, talk about your feelings. It’s going to feel natural to box people out, but make an effort to let them in instead.


Don’t feel the need to put on a brave face for those around you this week, Pisces. Life has been tumultuous as of late, and it’s more than natural for you to be feeling the slightest bit out of funk. Your happiness is not performative and your demeanor shouldn’t have to be either. I mean, don’t go out of your way to be rude and sulky at work, but also don’t feel like you need to slap on a smile and act like the sun shines out of your ass all day. There’s a time for faking it, and that time is not when Mercury is retrograde.

Images: Tonny Tran / Unsplash; Giphy (6)

Mary Kate Fotch
Mary Kate Fotch
Mary Kate recently moved to Amsterdam, where she spends a good chunk of her time trying to not die on a bike. She was forced to develop a sense of humor at an early age for many reasons, not the least of which being that she grew up with the name Mary Kate during the Olsen twin era. Follow her on Instagram if you're interested almost exclusively in Huji edits or stories about her overweight cat.