I kind of miss the days before the internet was totally insane and you could find out all the shitty stuff about everyone you watch on TV. Like, let us have a goddamned fantasy for once in life. Spoiler alert, in 2017, if you choose to go on TV and you have any sort of a past, the people of the internet will find out and, like this fine website, will roast you for it.
Enter Whaboom aficionado Lucas Yancey and guy who talks about his penis too much Blake Elarbee. Did you really think their weird, too-early confrontation was conceived out of thin air? It was not. It was contrived as shit and probably dates back to a weird reality TV beef they had on a WeTV series.
Human fart machine Lucas and aspiring drummer Blake E. have dabbled in the world of TV dating before. They both appeared on WeTV’s Ex Isle in 2016, whatever the fuck that is (I say as I realize I’d totally watch that show if I knew about it before just now).
Lucas, who is, let’s face it, everywhere for the wrong reasons, took his ex, Brittney, on the show. Lucas and Britt realized they were better off exes and then Brittney hit it off with Blake E.’s penis. Needless to say, Blake E. was also on the show with his ex at the time. Meaning, 1) Blake and Lucas have already dated the same girl and 2) Blake calling out Lucas for having misplaced intentions was complete and total bullshit. Like, which one are you Blake, the pot or the kettle?
You can totally check the legit-ness of this whole conspiracy by just taking a gander at Lucas’ IMDB profile, which we’ve already analyzed in great depth. Basically, Lucas has already starred in a ton of shit and is simply adding The Bachelorette to his resume. I’m pretty sure he has some agreement with the producers that he has to stay on the show for a certain amount of time before Rachel can send his dopey ass home because they’re desperately scrambling to find another Corinne. Somebody needs to tell them that a guy who’s a walking eye roll is not the one.
Blake’s IMDB page doesn’t mention his time on Ex Isle, but, then again it doesn’t mention how great is penis is either, so we know Blake hasn’t made his own edits to it.
Will Blake E. and his dong last longer on the show than Lucas? Oh, for sure, but I would highly question Rachel’s lawyering skills if she let either of these show-boating clowns anywhere near her fantasy suite.