This week's betch of the week is the singer of our favorite song of fall 2013. She's 17 year old Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O'Connor aka Lorde. Lorde is a New Zealand singer and basically our favorite/the only New Zealander we know since Flight of the Concords members Bret and Jermaine went off TV a few years ago. She was raised in suburban Devonport, Auckland – which I can only assume brings no postcode envy and loves to read and write poetry. Sure that's a little nicegirly but we'll let it slide since she has a great bitchy resting face and at sixteen the only thing I had accomplished was learning to roll a shitty joint and not fail out of gym class.
We love Lorde becasue she has the detached elusive hotness of Lana Del Ray but you know, with more talent.
With “Royals”, Lorde became the first solo artist from New Zealand to top the US Billboard chart, and the youngest artist to hold the US number one in more than 25 years. So like, fuck you Justin Bieber. A self-identified feminist, Lorde hasn't dated anyone yet but I'm sure shit will get really scandy as soon as she heads over to neighboring Australia and starts partying with the Hemsworth brothers. Can't wait till she turns eighteen and
loses her virginity finally irons her hair.
Here are some of our favorite shit-talking quotes from her:
On Taylor Swift songs: “I try to stay away from talking about boys all the time. You can go to Taylor Swift to hear that.”
On Justin Bieber lying to our generation: “I feel like the influences that are there in the industry for people my age, like Justin Bieber or whatever, are just maybe not a very real depiction of what it’s like to be a young person.”
On the Disney stars: “The difference between those kids and me is that I grew up completely normally and went to parties and had that experience. I am way less inclined to be like, 'Look! I'm fucking mental!’”
She's fully self aware that she comes from bumblefuck nowhere: “I think it would be impossible not to be an internet kid coming from New Zealand, because culturally it’s a little barren.”
On David Guetta wanting to collaborate with her: “No! F*ck no! He’s so gross!”
On that other singer who sounds just like her with autotune: “I listened to that Lana Del Rey record and the whole time I was just thinking it’s so unhealthy for girls to be listening to, you know, ‘I’m nothing without you.’ This sort of shirt-tugging, desperate, ‘don’t leave me’ stuff. That’s not a good thing for young girls, even young people, to hear.”
On being #1 on iTunes: “#1 on US itunes. even if it lasts an hour i feel HAPPY. Downside is all these Miley fans telling me they're gonna stab my rotting corpse.”
More on Miley Cyrus: “There are a lot of shock tactics these days. People trying to outdo each other, which will probably culminate in two people f*cking onstage at the Grammys. I try to keep blinkers on and focus on making music.”
Oh, and this tweet: