Just when I thought I could live my life Bachelor drama-free for one goddamn day, ABC has to go and pull me back in with some seriously fucked up news about one of Becca’s contestants. That’s right, people, another one of Becca’s suitors has turned out to be trash. In other news, the sky is blue. Yesterday news broke that Lincoln Adim, aka the one who constantly butchers the English language and likes to shit on floors, was convicted of indecent assault and battery last month. So I guess it’s true what they say: all the good ones really are gone. Or, in this case, disgusting and criminals.
The Hollywood Reporter reported that Lincoln was convicted of indecent assault and battery for “groping and assaulting an adult female on a harbor cruise ship.” Idk what’s more disturbing here, that cruise ships are still a thing or that a woman can’t get fucked up on her own vacation anymore without a guy trying to grope her. Like, is no place sacred to you animals??
As per his sentencing agreement, Lincoln is not allowed to be near his victim and has to attend three AA meetings per week for two years. If he fails to comply with the judge’s orders he might have to serve out his sentence behind bars. Also, he has to register as a sex offender.
Register. As. A. Sex. Offender. Becca, you are one lucky girl!
I guess now we understand why Lincoln was sobbing over that damaged picture, though. On the one hand, that might have been the closest he’ll get to a woman for the next year BECAUSE HE COULD BE GOING TO JAIL. Jail! On the other hand, it’s a little ironic that he was crying about how violated he felt OVER A PICTURE when clearly he has no issue violating other people’s’ bodies.
BUT WAIT. The plot thickens! Even though Lincoln was only convicted of the crime last month, the incident took place over a year ago. Now, I’m no mathematician but I’m pretty fucking sure that an unresolved criminal charge that occurred in 2016 should have popped up on even the most basic of background checks. Like, if I still have to explain to job recruiters the circumstances surrounding the drinking ticket I got in college, then you would think Lincoln would’ve at least had to acknowledge to ABC that he had pending charges for A SEX CRIME.
And if you’re wondering how ABC is faring from all this news, well, NOT WELL, BITCH. Kidding! They’re probably thriving off of Becca’s continued humiliation. In a statement to Us Weekly, Warner Bros. basically gave the equivalent of the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ emoji. They said, “No one on The Bachelorette production had any knowledge about the incident or charges when Lincoln Adim was cast, and he himself denied ever having engaged in or having been charged with any sexual misconduct.” Well, yeah, no shit he’d lie about it. There’s a lot of MVMT watch money on the line here—he’s not just gonna show up during the final casting call and be like, “Oh BTW I am being accused of indecent assault and battery, but you guys know I’m a good guy, right?”
Warner Bros. continued, “We employ a well-respected and highly experienced third party who has done thousands of background checks consistent with industry standards to do a nationwide background check in this case.” I mean, Darius did tell us ABC hired P.I.s to look into everybody’s social media, so how could they have missed this?? Like, ABC won’t let people on the show if they have an STD (I learned that from Bachelor Nation), but criminal offenses are chill? Is that where we’re drawing the line, Warner Bros.??
Warner Bros. concluded their statement by asserting, “The report we received did not reference any incident or charge relating to the recent conviction – or any other charges relating to sexual misconduct. We are currently investigating why the report did not contain this information, which we will share when we have it.” Like I said, Japanese shrug emoji. Honestly, the fact that they missed this is highly alarming.
So let me get this straight, ABC. You searched the country far and wide for America’s most eligible bachelors, only to come up with a woman-hating, racist homophobe, A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER, and a man who needs baby bumpers for his bunk bed? This is what you’re telling me?! At this rate, the next season of The Bachelorette will include stand-up contestants including Harvey Weinstein, The BTK Killer, and that 30-year-old who was sued by his parents because he wouldn’t fucking move out of their basement.
And you, sir, are a sex offender!!
Well, folks, if you need me, I’m just going to spend the rest of today researching my next vacation at the chicest convent near me, because apparently no place is safe anymore.
Images: Giphy (3)