Let Your Freak Flag Fly: Weekly Horoscopes August 3-7

We’ve got a new moon in Aquarius this week which can mean only one thing: it’s time to get weird. Let yourself throw caution to the wind, express yourself with abandon, paint your nails a funky color—whatever gets you out of your comfort zone. It’s quarantine. There are no rules.


Is this the week to bring back the Zoom happy hour? Okay, maybe not, but you’re feeling the collaborative energy this week. The question you must answer: how to feel the “big group” vibes, even when big groups are not a thing. Look for a way to gather your crew outdoors. Just no hugging, okay?


The work you’ve been putting in since the start of the pandemic will *finally* bear fruit this week. So make sure you’re ready for it. The seeds you’ve been planting since before quarantine are ready to be harvested (more fruit metaphors please!). The only question remaining is what you will do with your newfound success. (The same thing we do every night Pinky—try to take over the world!)


That rut you’ve been stuck in ends today, Gemini. The new moon is bringing in new opportunities, but beware! Bad ideas cosplaying as opportunities could lead you in the wrong direction. Follow your heart, but don’t completely forget to check in with your head. TL;DR: If it talks like a pyramid scheme, walks like a pyramid scheme, and slides into your DMs from a person you haven’t spoken to in high school like a pyramid scheme… it’s probably a pyramid scheme.


Summer love (or summer lust) rears its sweaty head this week, Cancer. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to make a deeper connection, even in these uncertain times. Sure, flings are fun, but it’s having someone who is willing to spend four months locked in a room with you and only you that counts. Clearly.


Maybe its just the grown-up energy that comes with it being your birthday month, but you’re ready to settle down and commit to a partnership. This could be any type of partnership, whether it be a lover, friend, coworker, or, the most important relationship of all: someone who hates all the same people as you.


Work work work work work has been your song of the summer, but is it time to reprioritize self care? Actually, don’t answer that. The answer is yes. Think of it like a task you can knock off your to-do list. We all know how much you love that sh*t.


Time to crawl out from that rock you’ve been hiding under, Libra. The Aquarius moon is putting you in the spotlight, and now it’s your time to shine. Don’t give up on summer 2020 just yet. Sure, she looks a little different than you imagined, but so do 90% of your haircuts and you still find a way to make those work.


Listen to what your body tells you this week, Scorpio, because it could be sending some major signals. Chances are if you’re tired and irritated with bad skin and a stomach ache, there’s a reason for that. Examine what is going on spiritually that could be manifesting itself physically. And if all else fails, drink water. You’re probably just dehydrated.


Need to get something off your chest? Now is the time. The new moon has your communications skills at an all-time high, making tough convos a little less daunting. Aka, you can finally talk to your chin-strapping roommate about proper mask wearing etiquette without threatening physical harm. Progress!


Opportunities are about to start flowing in, Capricorn, but it’s up to you to take advantage of them. Leave your spiritual DMs open and listen to what the universe has to say. You might find yourself pushed in an exciting new direction. Or, at the very least, with a very good story to tell the next time we can hang out with friends again.


The moon is in your sign and it could bring some old resentments to the surface. Are you claiming to be “over” something while simultaneously getting in fake arguments about it every day in the shower? Newsflash: you’re not over it. Find a way to express yourself on this issue this week and finally let it go.


You’re gonna need some mascara for that third eye this week, Pisces, because it is open for business. Your intuition is particularly on point right now, so pay attention to the vibes you’re getting. If something doesn’t feel right, run. You’ve watched wayyy too much true crime to be the next Dateline subject.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.