Latke Recipes: For the Chosen Betch

Happy almost-Hanukah to our chosen sisters. I’m not one of the tribe, but I do enjoy a good brisket and a latke made with love.

If you don’t know how to make a latke – arguably the easiest of the Hebrew foods – you’re probably an embarrassment to your Bubbe. During the festival of lights, let’s cast some brightness on your less-than-acceptable domestic skills. Additionally, I get that these are like, carb-central, but for a holiday that allows for eight days of presents, I feel like you can make an exception.

The below is a combo of a recipe from that bald guy who eats really weird shit on the Travel Channel and Martha Stewart, the domestic goddess and Badass Betch who called out Ms. Paltrow on being a less hot/talented version of herself. These are a little bit of a pain in the ass, but whatever – think how good you’ll look showing up with a plate of these bitches.


·         4 large russet potatoes, peeled
·         1 small yellow onion, grated
·         2 large eggs, beaten
·         ¼ cup beer (do NOT use an IPA … a lager is best here)
·         3 tbsps all-purpose flour
·         Salt and pepper, to taste
·         Vegetable oil

Preheat the oven to 200F. Also, get a big baking sheet and line it with paper towels; set aside.

Grate your potatoes using the largest grate into a large bowl of ice water – you want long strips, not like pre-shredded cheese strips. Using a slotted spoon, move the potato strips to a large kitchen towel and squeeze out excess liquid. Save the ice water – you’ll need it later.

Set the reserved ice water aside for like, 15 mins until you see the starch sink to the bottom. CAREFULLY pour off the water, but reserve the starch (it’ll look like milky residue). Transfer the potatoes BACK into the bowl with the starch.

Add the onions, eggs, beer, flour, salt, and pepper to the bowl with the potatoes and combine. In a large skillet, heat about ¼-inch of the vegetable oil. Spoon in ½ cup of the potato mixture per pancake into the skillet. You can probs make like 3-4 at a time, but more than that will cool the oil and make them super greasy and gross. Also, try not to let them touch each other. Think of the pancakes like awkward tweens at the 7th grade dance.

Check the bottom of the pancakes – when they’re golden brown, flip and fry the other side. The entire process should take about 6 minutes. When done, transfer the pancakes to the baking sheet with the paper towels to drain.

Serve with apple sauce (fucking duh) and sprinkled with fresh dill. Mazel tov on finding your way around the kitchen.


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