In an interview with The New York Times (this is what modern news media looks like, everybody), Kylie Jenner admitted to a couple disturbing things re: her beauty routine. Basically the groundbreaking interview was meant to be an “inside scoop” of what Jenner’s life is like “away from the Instagram cameras” and by that I think they mean photoshop? The title of the article is also “Kylie Jenner’s Beauty Regimen: How She Keeps It Real” and I hope this is supposed to be ironic because I’ve legit never been so confused.
Tbh I hope most of this is just bullshit and a sad attempt for her to sound #relatable. For instance, out of all the millions of dollars she’s worth – Jenner expects us to believe that she uses Neutrogena fucking face wipes? I’m not buying that for a second, unless she means that one of her assistants dips them in gold and rolls them in Kim’s placenta first. Oh yeah, and then there’s this gem that we’re all supposed to believe too: not only does she use Sephora brand face masks, she actually likes them. L O fucking L. Where’s the sponsorship disclaimer?
Then blah, blah, blah, surprise, surprise. Jenner likes lashes, lipliner, and plugging the Kardashian makeup line. Like, woah great journalist work you guys at The New York Times, the girl with all the shit on her lips really likes to put shit on her lips. This is Pulitzer worthy stuff if I’ve ever seen it.
Here’s the pièce de résistance, though. Kylie admitted to being even basic-er than LC at a school dance in 2006, claiming that she prefers Victoria Secret body spray over everything else. At this point I had to remove myself from the article, splash some water on my face, and cool down in order to continue.
For her hair, she was basically like, “the blacker the better.” (I think the whole Kardashian clan has this same mentality both about the men they date and their souls, so this makes sense.)
I’ll leave you with one final piece of gold from the interview:
“I still do Juvéderm for my lips. I go to Dr. Ourian in Beverly Hills. He’s the best, and he’s super natural about it.”
^^ hella natural
Dr. Ourian, you’re fired. (But also, what do you charge? Asking for a friend, obviously).