Kris Jenner Is Throwing A B*tch Fit About Caitlyn’s Memoir

In the words of Samantha Jones: “There’s always a competition with an ex. It’s called ‘who will die miserable.'” Caitlyn Jenner may be an Olympian, but Kris Jenner is not going down without a fight. Sidebar: when the fuck is Kris going to change her last name? I guess when you’ve trademarked as much shit as her, it’s not as simple as getting a new license. Also, what would she go back to? Kardashian? Whatever the fuck her maiden name is? Honestly, when you think about it, there’s no good solution for her here. 

Caitlyn’s book The Secrets of My Life comes out on April 25th, so naturally Keeping Up With the Kardashians is helping Cait with the promotion by expertly timing their Caitlyn related drama with the book release to boost publicity. Classic. Say what you will about Kris, but girlfriend has never met an opportunity for ratings and merchandise sales that she hasn’t ruthlessly exploited.

Anyway, Caitlyn gave Kris an advance copy of the book, so that Kris would know what was written about her. And her response was basically: I thought it was just a sad, handwritten book. But actually, Kris is angrier than Kanye West when he saw the first version of the bridesmaid dresses for his and Kim’s wedding. According to Kris “everything she says is made up,” which is pretty rich coming from the woman who perfected reality television. 

We don’t know what Caitlyn wrote yet, but it sounds like she accuses Kris of preventing her from transitioning and opening up about her life earlier. Without knowing if Cait’s point of view is valid, we’ve been hearing this storyline since before the Diane Sawyer interview. Like we get it: the relationship was a fucking mess.

To be fair to Caitlyn, Kris has less self-awareness than a girl getting back with her ex for the 14th time and thinking it’ll work out. She asks Kim and Khloé: “Why does everything have to be that ‘Kris is such a bitch and asshole?'” I mean…have you rewatched season 1 lately? She was kind of a bitch and an asshole to then-Bruce. Like she allowed her husband to have one corner of the garage in their Calabasas mansion for his things while she ruled the family with an iron fist and turned their youngest daughter into a plastic surgery monster, and their oldest into someone who gives Pepsi to the cops

The only real question about this book is whether Caitlyn used the same ghost writer as Kendall and Kylie used for their Young Adult fiction novel, Rebels: City of Indra. They could probably use the work.