The devil works hard, but at least the devil isn’t trying to kill me, while Kris Jenner is most certainly personally working to put me into an early grave. (For those of you who may need further clarification; the devil is not actively trying to bring about my death; he will simply be waiting patiently for me in hell when I inevitably arrive.) But Kris Jenner? No, this woman is just trying to send my hypertension to life-threatening levels at this point. First, we learned that Jordyn Woods had reportedly hooked up with Khloé Kardashian’s baby daddy, Tristan Thompson. THEN
she it was announced that Travis Scott had reportedly cheated on Kylie Jenner. And now, outlets are reporting that Kourtney Kardashian is dating a new man, and it’s the most random person you could ever think of. Go ahead, I’ll give you one guess—I am that confident you, nor anyone else, could have seen this coming. Give up? I’ll tell you. Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are reportedly dating. Yes, Travis Barker of Blink-182 and pulling out of Fyre Festival fame.
RadarOnline (oh boy) exclusively learned that Kardashian and Barker, who are apparently longtime friends (???), may be on the verge of taking things to the next level. “Every since Kourt has been single, they’ve gotten closer and closer – to the point where he sneakily stays at her place now,” a source revealed to Radar. The source added, “Their friendship is definitely turning romantic, which has taken her by surprise.”
I mean, look. I love a good Kardashian rumor as much as the next millennial, but as far as reliability goes, RadarOnline stacks right up with the deranged middle-aged woman who paces your block screaming about the End of Days.
I have many questions, the main one being that since when are Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker lifelong friends? How did they meet? What could they possibly have in common?? I fully expect any of you who have ever watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians to school me in the comments, and I eagerly await you telling me information I probably could have googled, but was too lazy to do so. That being said, Travis Barker still feels extremely random of a boyfriend. Then again, haven’t all of Kourtney Kardashian’s boyfriends seemed random when you think about it? Let’s take a look back to Kourtney Kardashian’s most random boyfriends.
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The now 21-year-old actor was linked to Kourtney in September of 2018, when the two were spotted having dinner together. Sabbat has since denied he is dating Kourtney, and a source told People that their relationship was “nothing serious”. Whatever, still counts! Apparently, they met because Sabbat is friends with Kendall Jenner. I’ll take “yikes” for $200, Alex. I’m sorry, but any way you slice it, hooking up with a guy who you met through your younger sister is at least a little bit weird.
According to Ranker, Kourtney Kardashian dated a guy named Taryll Jackson from 1999-2004. I could hate, but that’s easily way longer than any of my relationships, except for my long-standing booty call. But we’re not here to talk about me. Taryll Jackson is the son of Tito Jackson, one of the members of the Jackson 5. Taryll Jackson is supposedly a singer-songwriter, but I have never once heard anything he has been a part of. This is only random in the sense that I literally had no idea this ever occurred.
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??’? ????? ???, ??’? ?????? ??? ??? ????? —Happy Valentine’s Day everyone ♥️?♥️ • • • #kourtneykardashian #younesbendjima #lostinhistorypics #throwback #tbt #valentinesday2019 #love #teamo #lovers #nightsinparis #khloekardashian #kendalljenner #kyliejenner #kimkardashian #priyankachopra #arianagrande #kuwtk #rihanna #krisjenner #haileybaldwin #mickeyminnielove #zacefron #fitness #taylorswift #selenagomez #beyonce #scottdisick #nickjonas #justinbieber #boxing
Okay, I’m sorry, but Younes is random. This young model just kind of appeared out of nowhere—apparently they met at a bar during Paris Fashion Week in 2016—and then they dated for a pretty long time, considering Younes is, as I mentioned before, a young model.
Anyway, time will tell if Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are really dating or not (my money is on not), but whatever happens, I hope the Kardashians can f*cking chill for just one week so I can please have some peace. Kris, I beg of you!