For someone who has never even been in the same room as a Kardashian, I know them extremely f*cking well at this point. Case in point: today, I was in a meeting (and any one of my coworkers can back this up) and predicted that Kim Kardashian would announce her fourth child’s name today at approximately 5pm EST. Why? Because the Kardashians always do this. They always drop their biggest news at the end of the East coast work day, and usually at the end of the work week, to ensure that everyone is talking about them the entire weekend. And, lo and behold, I was f*cking right. Kim Kardashian did, in fact, announce her son’s name today, at about 6:15pm EST (so I was an hour early), and it’s… Psalm West.
Yes, Psalm West.
Kim announced the name on her social media, on both her Instagram and Twitter. She uploaded a screenshot of a series of text messages that contained a picture of little baby Psalm, and captioned the images “Psalm West.”
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I would also like to take this time to assert that, while many people were predicting that Kim would name her son Rob, I was correct that she would go with a religious theme. I present to the court, Exhibit A, which I tweeted myself from the Betches Twitter, one whole week ago, on May 10th.
At this rate, Kim and Kanye are gonna name their fourth kid Deus or some shit
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 10, 2019
So, yes, okay, I was wrong with the actual name, but I was spot-on with the religious theme. Given that Kim and Kanye’s first son was named Saint, I figured they would continue to go this route with their next son, especially considering that their two daughters both have geographical names. I really thought that, since they already started with Saint, they’d have to up the ante on religion and basically name their kid after God. Alas, I was wrong—instead, they chose to name him the word for a sacred song or hymn. It’s not quite calling your baby the second coming of Christ, but it’s still pretty egotistical.
Psalm West. F*cking Psalm West. I’m not over this. First of all, the word “psalm” is a mouthful to say in the first place! Imagine having to be called that for your entire life. I’d rather be Chicago at that point. Second of all… I don’t know, I don’t really have a “second of all”, because I’m still repeating “Psalm West” to myself over and over in the hopes that, with repetition, it will sound any less strange. I’ll save you all the strange looks from those around you: it doesn’t! You know what, I think Hymn West would have been better. Is it too late to change the name?
So congrats to Kim and Kanye (and Kris) for dominating this weekend’s news cycle. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to church to pray for the future of Psalm West. Just kidding, I’ll be taking a tequila shot. See you all in hell!