“For onto us a child is born, Onto us a Kardashian is given, and the internet will break upon Her shoulder, and Her name will be called Wonderful Influencer, Mighty Celeb, Everlasting Content, Princess of Pics” – God
One of the 2.5 Kardashian children expected this year (Kylie is only a 1/2 until she confirms) has finally been born! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West welcomed their third child via surrogate yesterday. The baby is apparently healthy, weighs 7lbs 60z,
and is the second coming of Christ.
Kim broke the story one hour ago via post on her website (like ya do), but has yet to reveal the name. We’d take a moment now to speculate as to what that name may be, but we’ve already done that, and we’re sure Kimye will surprise us with something appropriately insane and out of left field. Like maybe they don’t name the baby anything because Kanye wants to make a statement about identity or some shit. Weirder things have happened.
The conspiracy theorist in me wants to take the next hour to write a 20 page thesis about how Kylie is really the surrogate, which is why she won’t confirm her pregnancy, and how the rumors that Kylie gave birth this weekend were actually true, but Kylie gave the baby to Kim to pass off as her own and will show up in like a month or so and try to claim she was never really pregnant, but I’ll save that for r/conspiracytheories.
For now, let’s all just be happy for all the adorable baby photos that are sure to come out of this blessed event. Because if Kim and Kanye can do anything, it’s produce adorable children.