Well, friends, I hate to say I told you so, but it is possible that I fucking told you so. Remember when we all found out Kylie Jenner and Khloé Kardashian were both pregnant at the same damn time? And remember how I wasn’t convinced? Mostly because I stan too hard for Travis Scott to accept that he will be tied to this garbage family for the next 18 years, but that’s neither here nor there? And remember when I hypothesized that these pregnancy rumors are all a cleverly orchestrated publicity stunt to sell some Kylie lip kits? Well, strap on your tinfoil hats, because Kylie and Khloé did a video together for—wait for it—KYLIE COSMETICS IN LOVE WITH THE KOKO COLLECTION. Check and mate.
First of all, Kylie and Khloé look nearly identical because Kylie decided to swap out her whatever-the-fuck-her-last-hair-color-was locks in favor of some long blonde loose waves. Just like Khloé’s. I mean, I know that they say you start to look like people you spend a lot of time with, but this is a little out of hand.
But aside from that, let’s discuss WTF is going on with these outfits. Kylie is wearing, just like, a man’s overcoat? Whatever it is, it’s clearly way too big for her.
Seriously, this brings me back to literally this past Sunday, when I was cold at the beer garden and my dad insisted I wear his jacket. So I’ve got to ask: Literally why is she wearing this, when her usual M.O. is to show as much skin as possible? Is Kylie covering up a baby bump? Was the AC in their recording room on too high? Is she secretly three toddlers standing on each other’s shoulders? I obviously don’t have the answers. But consider what Kylie was wearing in her last lip kit reveal video, which came out right after the pregnancy reports hit the news.
Ah, yes. That’s the Kylie we know and love: wearing some kind of vaguely athletic tank situation that shows off her boobs. Not this giant overcoat! I mean, it’s kind of comical actually. If Kylie is trying to hide a baby bump, there are a lot more subtle ways to do it. Then again, Kylie Jenner is not exactly known for her signature brand of subtlety.
I have no real comments or insights into Khloé’s situation vis-à-vis this video, other than to point out that the camera never really pans below her neck. That is at least a little suspect. Stay with me, though. News literally just broke that sources have confirmed to UsWeekly that Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are expecting a boy, so this could really be real. Yes, I said UsWeekly, so do with that information what you will. I would like to add that I watched Kylie and Khloé’s entire five-minute video and learned nothing of importance, other than that Khloé must give a lot of head. Seriously, she talks about sucking dick in those lip kits multiple times. Like, fam, your little sister is RIGHT THERE. Is that not weird to you? Also, if your first thought upon seeing a lip color is, “This is going to look great on my man’s penis!” then 1) you’re wrong, because Kylie Lip Kits do not come off, even when wrapped around a dick, and 2) you have issues.
Until I see this information reported on by a media outlet owned by Ryan Seacrest himself, I’m going to continue to lead the charge of Kardashian Pregnancy Truthers. One thing’s for sure, though: It’s Kris Jenner’s world, and we’re all just living in it.