Katy Perry debuted her new, ultra-short platinum blonde “I just broke up with Orland Bloom” haircut on Instagram this week, and for those of us with a keen eye and nothing better to do in life, it was hard not to think of another post-breakup betch who debuted a very similar haircut on social media way back in 2012. I’m talking, of course, about Miley Cyrus. After a bit of digging, this similarity in styles makes perfect sense, considering celeb stylist Chris McMillan is responsible for both, which begs the question—is the platinum pixie the new official “post-breakup” hairstyle? And isn’t it kind of weird for Katy Perry to be stealing styling tips from a girl a full eight years younger than her? Amber, was that you going through my laundry?
And that’s not to say that Miley owns the platinum bob. That’d be like saying she owns wearing a jewel encrusted marijuana themed onesie. She doesn’t. Marijuana onesies belong to everyone. But it would be kind of weird if Katy Perry started rocking one. And you have to admit, the cuts are very similar, even down to their rollout on social media:
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) August 13, 2012
It just seems odd for two people with literally the same job and the same hairstylist to now have the same post-breakup haircut. It’d be like if your coworker wore army pants and flip flops, so the next day you wore army pants and flip flops. People are just gonna notice. And the similarities between Perry and Cyrus don’t even end with hair. Let’s break down all the ways that these two women are low-key becoming the same person:
1. They’re Both Really Political
It’s no secret that Katy Perry was basically Hillary Clinton’s on-staff pop star for all of the 2016 campaign. If only she’d come out with “Chained to The Rhythm” then instead of letting Hill play “Fight Song” to death. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation. But Miley is no stranger to political issues, and not just surrounding legal weed. After Trump’s win, Miley literally cried on Snapchat, and even before that she’d gone door to door for Hillary. Literally. She showed up at people’s dorm rooms and told them to go vote. Do I smell an anti-Trump “get out the vote” midterm election collaboration song in the future? Could either be great, or terrible.
2. They Both Have Virginal Backgrounds
Though it’s hard to remember given her newfound love of twerking naked in a pile of molly dust, Miley Cyrus did start out as a Disney star. [Insert dad joke about having “The Best Of Both Worlds”.] What you may not know is that before she was showing cleavage on on Sesame Street or getting married to Russell Brand, Katy Perry was a Christian rock singer, mostly to make her pastor dad happy. Funny, that’s the exact same reason Miley did Hannah Montana. Coincidence, or conspiracy? You decide.
3. They’ve Both Had Very Public Beefs With Other Celebs.
As we all know, literal lunatic Taylor Swift wrote “Bad Blood” about Katy Perry after KP stole
John Mayer her backup dancer. And who could forget the “Miley What’s good?” incident of 2015? Both stars also opted to respond by half-responding and pretending to be the better person, which is only fun if you’re someone who cares about how they are perceived by the general public.
4. Their Live Shows Are Fucking Crazy.
I mean, do I need to go into this one? Left shark. The Robin Thicke incident. And twerking. So, so much twerking. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if tickets to see either of these women perform come along with a seizure warning. Their performances are basically the experience of being on both molly and acid come to life, and honestly, don’t hate it.
5. They’re Both Kind Of Funny.
Given that a lot of pop stars take themselves way, wayyyy too seriously, Katy and Miley are both low-key kind of funny and don’t mind being the butt of a few jokes. Unlike someone like, say, Taylor Swift, who once said Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were going to hell for making fun of her. Katy Perry, on the other hand, has a cat named Kitty Purry and once posted the following throwback on Insta:
While Miley went on SNL and said this:
So what’s going on here? Are Katy Perry and Miley merging into one giant technicolor popstar with huge boobs and a weed addiction? Are we perhaps dealing with some kind of Freaky Friday situation? Either way, I can’t wait to get into a relationship again so that it can end and I can finally get the bleach blonde pixie cut of my dreams. I mean, I guess I could do it without the breakup but then what’s the point of racking up all those likes? Just seems wasteful.