Donald Trump Appoints Kanye West As Secretary Of Rant Relations

Kanye West met with Donald Trump at Trump Tower this morning, a move that was met with wild speculation. Some wondered if the two were recording an album—perhaps Electoral College Dropout or 538s & Heartbreak. Others believed the meeting was intended to discuss a 20-minute Kanye performance at Trump’s inauguration, followed by an incoherent rant and abrupt end to the show. And still others wondered if Mr. West had been appointed to a coveted position in Trump’s cabinet.

Some pundits anticipated Mr. West would be chosen as the next Secretary of Health and Human Services, given that Trump’s theme for his selection process thus far has been “opposites.” Still others believed he would be named as Chicago’s Peace Ambassador. However, Mr. West announced today in a series of barely coherent tweets that he has been selected to helm the newly created Department of Rant Relations, of which he will serve as Secretary.

“Kanye is a perfect choice,” said Trump’s chief strategist.  “As someone who legitimately believes he’s Jesus Christ, Kanye really has his finger on the pulse of the average citizen and their daily struggles. Plus, his penchant for ignoring his contractual obligations and storming off in a huff without directly addressing any criticisms levied towards him really speaks to this administration.”

There is also a high possibility that West will be given the additional honor of dressing Melania Trump, since none of the other real fashion designers want to do it.

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