Ask any normie who runs Instagram, and they’ll tell you the Kar-Jenners. And you know what? They’re totally right, but they also need to know about the newest clan taking over the ‘gram. Anyone with their finger on the pulse and on the right follow button knows that Kaia Gerber and her squad are taking over Instagram. We all know who Kaia Gerber is: she’s an up-and-coming model whose mother is supermodel Cindy Crawford and whose father made Casamigos with George Clooney (and apparently he does boring high-end business sh*t too, but let’s not pretend like I know how any of that works). She’s 16 years old and has way more going for her than any of us: perfect genetics, an endless supply of tequila, and more than two friends. But who is this friend group, exactly? Sure, they keep Shadow Hill and I.AM.GIA in business, but what else are they up to?
Presley is Kaia’s equally good-looking brother, of course! He’s an up-and-comer in the industry, just like his little sis, having modeled for big time brands such as Burberry and Calvin Klein. This mainstay at fashion week and the pages of Vogue has even been in a Pepsi commercial with mama Cindy, who was in her own iconic Pepsi commercial decades ago. It was cool and all (and much less controversial than Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi ad), but still will never be as great as Britney’s Pepsi commercials. Not much else is known about Presley, because when you’re that good-looking, you really aren’t obligated to be interesting.
Charlotte is Kaia’s equally leggy, equally barely legal ride-or-die. Her dad is producer Bill Lawrence and her mom is actress Christa Miller. Her dad was a bigwig on Scrubs and Cougartown—those shows that you kiiiinda forgot about up until now—both of which her mom starred in. That means that Charlotte has clocked in a lot of time growing up around actors like Zach Braff and Courteney Cox, that actors you kiiiinda forgot up about up until now. Charlotte is pursuing the music career route, and has performed at venues such as Baby’s All Right in Brooklyn and Bowery Ballroom. She’s actually pretty great and has a promising career ahead of her.
Charlotte D’Alessio (no relation to Amber, who made out with a hot dog) is Kaia’s other bestie, because Kaia seems to love being affiliated with girls who are as lithe and brunette as she is. She is also dating Presley Gerber exclusively, which totally doesn’t sound awkward for Kaia at all. This Canadian beauty was discovered at the age of 16 at Coachella. That festival is a sh*t show of Bachelor franchise starlets and Instagram models, so the fact that she stuck out enough to get discovered as a model is a feat in and of itself.
Charlotte has a few bikini campaigns under her belt, as well as having modeled for brands like TopShop and starring as a femme fatale in some really confusing music video for some European band we’ve never heard of. (Can some film major put their worthless degree to use for once and please explain to me why there was an evil octopus in that vid?) When she’s not modeling or having good-looking sex with Presley Gerber, you can usually find her making Boomerangs where she’s slightly tilting her head and sticking out her tongue, or hosting Instagram lives, where she repeatedly answers the same questions over and over again about whether or not she got a nose job (which she denies getting because “I just know how to work my angles!” Sure, Jan) and what her workouts are like (which she claims to not even do. Again, sure, Jan).
Chiara is the token edgy, crazy chick of the group that they need to have. Otherwise, their clique would look more Wonderbread than an Abercrombie & Fitch ad, and that’s just not exciting. Chiara is, of course, a model, and her mom was a model as well. Her Instagram reeks of the kind of pictures that would be reblogged along with Lana del Rey quotes and Sarah Bah Bah art.
Madison Beer was *discovered* by Justin Bieber when she was a tween for covering Etta James’ “At Last” on YouTube. She moved from Long Island to L.A. to make music, but is more known for her knockout good looks and incredible street style on Instagram. She actually only released a few singles, yet garnered over 10 million followers on Instagram with little to no legit music career. She finally released her first EP this year, As She Pleases, and it’s actually really, really good. Like, I don’t know about you, but I was expecting a girl that’s more Instagram famous than famous for, ya know, talent to drop a stinker of an EP, but “Home With You” and “Say It To My Face” are legit bops. She recently completed an American tour as well, so things are definitely starting to ramp up for Madison Beer.
I don’t even get what this kid’s deal is. Even before writing this article, I have Googled Zack Bia repeatedly to figure out what he does or what famous parents he has, and I got nothing. It honestly keeps me up at night wondering how this hypebeast twerp hangs with this crew and has accumulated the following he has. He’s dating Madison Beer, so maybe that’s where a lot of my disdain for this kid comes from, because I can’t decide if I want to be Madison Beer or date Madison Beer. Signs show he may have gone to USC at one point, but that honestly means nothing because you barely attend USC unless you’re in Greek life or are an athlete. I really don’t have anything else to say about this kid because, like I said, I don’t know what the f*ck he does. So I just hate-scroll through his douchey Instagram instead.
Isabella Jones is actually @bananablue17 on Instagram, because she didn’t get the memo that you don’t have to use your AIM screenname from 6th grade as your Instagram handle. Isabella is—wait for it—a model. She’s also currently dating a SoundCloud rapper whose tattoos look like a sleepover prank that you’d doodle on people while they’re asleep. He goes by Teddy. Just Teddy. A match made in heaven, really.
Emma Delury is basically the girl next door’s little sister who hasn’t been corrupted yet, but the older quarterback of the football team plans on making a move on her once it’s no longer creepy to hook up with her. So it makes total sense that she’s modeled for the likes of Pink by Victoria’s Secret, PacSun, and Brandy Melville. No word on if she’s dating anyone, but Isabella leaves comments on every single picture of hers within 10 minutes of posting them saying how beautiful she is and how in love with her she is. These girls are well on their way to being so famous that they have BS rumors about them dating like Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift do, right?
Kevin Malone from “The Office”
I am Kevin Malone and you all are the Instagram models pic.twitter.com/fIVMj4yfyn
— Millie (@milliebeemoore) July 17, 2018
No, seriously. How the f*ck did this happen?
Whoever This Leech Is
Madison Beer did an interview a couple months back and was asked about her famous crew, and she took the opportunity to throw some shade—even though no one even asked! Ugh, this kind of drama is the only thing that make petty 18-year-olds tolerable. Anyways, she said some toxic chick keeps trying to swindle her way into their group to get followers and ever since, I’ve been wanting to know who it is. My money’s on Meredith Mickelson, because everyone in this group follows her except for Madison, and I don’t really know what Meredith does with her time besides take selfies while driving, take Boomerangs of herself sticking her tongue out, and taking videos of herself fake laughing.
Images: @presleygerber , @charlotteslawrence, @charlottedalessio , @chiara, @madisonbeer, @zackbia, @bananablue17, @emmadelury,@meredithmickelson / Instagram; @milliebeemoore / Twitter