Justin Bieber Just Wants To Dance, And This Fucking Camera Won’t Let Him

“Dance as though no one’s watching” is a popular suggestion on the kinds of magnets I imagine Taylor Swift uses to tile her bathroom. It also begs a question: If you dance, but no one’s watching, are you dancing at all? If a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around, does it moonwalk? This is the conundrum faced by Justin Bieber, the Canadian pop singer who, amid his campaign to popularize the “can I speak to your manager?” haircut pioneered by Kate Gosselin, stopped by “The Today Show” in order to sing a song. He also, presumably, intended to dance, but fuck if that’s happening, thanks to some lousy, no good, selfish-ass camera work.

“Next time we won’t dance, cuz the… cuz the camera’s right here the whole time. Might as well not even dance.”

What’s not clear is how the camera prevents him from dancing. Is he annoyed with it’s placement, thinking that it’s poorly positioned to adequately capture his spectacular moves for the pleasure of the home audience? Or, did he forget the “as though” portion of Taylor Swift’s “Dance as though millions of morning show viewers aren’t watching” magnets? Maybe Justin Bieber has some sick moves that would make Usher blush, but feels uncomfortable performing them on film. It reminds me of the kids in school who would be like “nuh uh, I can too breakdance, I just don’t feel like it right now.”

Bieber’s hissy fit was cut from the west coast broadcast. I can’t imagine why.

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