Jonathan Cheban Is A Very Angry Man

Jonathan Cheban, professional friend of Kim Kardashian, is not one to be messed with. We know this because we once made the mistake of writing and publishing an article called “A List Of Questions We Have For Jonathan Cheban After Stalking His Instagram.” Jonathan did not like that, and we promptly got blocked. If we have a famous hater, does that make us famous? IDK. But we’re not the only ones who’ve felt the wrath of The Cheban on social media—just ask some random guy named Trevor who made the mistake of mentioning Jonathan on Twitter. It’s important to note that he didn’t even tag The Chebs (my new nickname for Jonathan that he’ll probably hate and then end up blocking me over); he just mentioned his name in a tweet. Jonathan must either have Google alerts set on his phone to let him know everytime someone mentions his name, or else he has a Twitter mentions intern, because he is incredibly thorough. Jonathan Cheban like the Bloody Mary of social media: If you say his name, he will appear. 

So anyway, this guy Trevor wrote a joke on Twitter, as one does:

Jonathan Cheban Tweet

LOL, classic Trevor.

I did a quick .2 second Google search and deduced that Above Average, where the article quoted in the tweet comes from, is a comedy website. But I mean, I didn’t even need to do that, seeing as anyone with a functioning frontal lobe could reasonably conclude that a rat is not earnestly employed by Kanye West to chew holes in his Yeezy clothing line. (But if one is, I want his job.) 

Most times when you tweet at a celebrity you don’t expect a response, but Jonathan Cheban is no average celebrity. In some screen shots we were emailed by one of Trevor’s friends, Jonathan clapped back in a DM. I would like to note here that we did not verify the authenticity of said DM, because we’re not fucking CSI. Also I would have messaged Jonathan on Twitter and ask him to verify the tweet, but like I said, he blocked us. Anyway, buckle the fuck up, because this was Jon’s response to this (fairly innocuous and admittedly funny) joke:

Jonathan Cheban Tweet

Like, whoa. Way harsh, Jon. I appreciate that he’s taken a page out of Chad “I’ll buy your family and make them my family” Johnson’s Twitter feud playbook, but damn. I would insert my commentary, but honestly, this message speaks for itself.

And in case you were wondering (I know I was), Jonathan Cheban does actually own multiple companies, including a clothing line, Kritik; a restaurant, Sushi MiKasa; a screen protector/mirror product called Glam Screen; an entertainment and lifestyle website called The Dishh; and a fast food restaurant called Burger Bandit that I am told has some of the best burgers in Lynbrook, Long Island. All of that information came straight from Wikipedia and not a direct threat I just received from the Cheban camp, BTW.

So I guess the lesson here is if you come for Jonathan Cheban, you best not miss. Now if you’ll all join me in a brief moment of silence for our Twitter mentions. RIP.

Sara Levine
Sara Levine
Sara cares about a few things, including cheese, cheap white wine (never chardonnay), and the Real Housewives of Potomac. She co-hosts Betches' Not Another True Crime Podcast and posts her tweets to Instagram.