JFK To Open Luxury Animal Terminal

Just like their betchy owners, all pets should be treated with dignity and respect. Our #95 little dogs deserve to be pampered. This all the more true while traveling, because we all know how much we fucking hate large masses of people, carrying heavy shit like suitcases/bags, and sitting on a plane for hours without contact with the outside world (except WiFi is fixing this issue, TG). 

Betcholutionary JFK airport will open the first ever $48 million air terminal for animals next year. What are they squeezing into the 178,000 square foot shelter? Oh idk, climate-controlled stalls (with showers) for horses and cows. Hotel suites with flat screen TVs for dogs. A private area for penguins so they can bone without being disturbed by the donkey chillin next door.

But most importantly, let’s focus on what our pets (cats and dogs) will enjoy.  Cats get trees to climb, because they’re into that shit.  Dogs get bone-shaped splashing pools, massage therapy and pawdicures. Best part: you can check in on them via live webcam. This is all to reduce the amount of stress animals face while traveling. Feel that.

If you’re thinking this is a joke, we do too, but it’s not April Fools so I guess this is actually happening and I’m not complaining. My dogs deserve to be treated like princesses while in transit, although with all of this I think they have it way better than I do now.


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