Last week, JAY-Z (he wants us to capitalize it now lol) put out a new album that you probably haven’t listened to because you’re not the kind of girl who pays for Tidal when you already have Spotify. Because he’s extra AF, Jay also put out a “mini-documentary” to go along with the album, and in it he answers some of our most important questions.
Basically, he finally addresses how he obviously cheated on Beyoncé and how that clearly makes him the worst person on the planet: “I just ran into this place and we built this big, beautiful mansion of a relationship that wasn’t built on the 100 percent truth and it starts cracking. Things start happening that the public can see.” We’re pretty sure this is a reference to the infamous elevator fight with Solange, aka the moment that Jay was added to our permanent shit list.
Somewhere, Solange is wearing some hipster flowy dress and sipping her scalding hot tea, just rolling her eyes the hardest at all of this. Jay cheating hasn’t been news since Lemonade dropped a year ago, but it still feels fucked up to hear him talk about it, because like what the fuck was he thinking?
He also says in the documentary that one time he had to beg Bey not to leave him, and that the thought of losing her was harder than, like, selling crack for a living or trying not to get shot. Shit’s real. We have to give major credit to Beyoncé, who’s obviously less of a petty bitch than us, because we wouldn’t have taken that shit for half a second. Instead, now she literally can guilt trip him for the rest of his life to get what she wants, and he can’t say a fucking thing about it.
Thanks for your honesty Jay, now go back to kissing your wife’s ass, because you’re definitely still low-key on the shit list.