If you’ve paid any attention to Lindsay Lohan in the last several years, you probably know that her life is, in a word, perplexing. Obviously, she’s had her nightlife business (and subsequent reality show) in Greece, but after the closure of her club in Mykonos, it’s unclear what’s happening with that. She’s also spoken about living in Dubai, like in this truly delusional interview from last year. She talked about her upcoming clothing line, makeup line, candle line, and new acting opportunities, but I’m pretty sure none of those things have happened.
But the newest plot twist in Lindsay Lohan’s life might be the weirdest one yet. There are rumors floating around that she’s been hanging out with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia, and we need to talk about it. Earlier this month, Page Six published an article titled “What’s Going on Between Lindsay Lohan and the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia?”, and no headline has ever made my ears perk up faster.
In case you’re unaware, Crown Prince Mohammed is a pretty controversial figure. His dad is the King of Saudi Arabia, but it’s pretty common knowledge that the Prince is the one who calls a lot of the shots. While he’s been behind some significant liberal reforms in Saudi Arabia (like allowing women to drive), he’s also basically a dictator. He’s been accused of jailing and torturing human rights activists and dissenting members of the royal family, ordering bombings in Yemen that led to widespread famine, and ordering the assassination of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Fun guy to be around, for sure.
So where does Lindsay Lohan come into the picture here? According to Page Six’s source, rumor has it that Lindsay has been flying around on Mohammed bin Salman’s plane, and that he gave her a gift-wrapped credit card. I’m sorry, but what do I have to do to get a man to give me a gift-wrapped credit card? I’m not saying the potential war crimes are worth it, but I’ve always wanted to fly on a PJ.
While Page Six quotes a source in Lindsay’s “inner circle” confirms that the two “know each other,” Lindsay’s reps say that rumors of the two of them texting each other are “lies.” I love that Lindsay’s reps are responding to this kind of thing, because they probably know that it’s a terrible look for Lindsay to be associated with this guy. Still, it seems totally believable that they would be hanging out. I mean, Lindsay doesn’t seem like she’s in the position to turn down a gift-wrapped credit card, and maybe the Crown Prince is a big fan of Mean Girls.
The absolute best part of this whole story is the following line from the Page Six article, which is just truly unhinged:
“While the ‘Herbie: Fully Loaded’ star and the vicious authoritarian would seem to make for an unlikely twosome, sources close to Lohan, who has been partly based in nearby Dubai for the past couple of years, told Page Six that it’s not unusual for the ‘Rumors’ singer to be courted by Middle Eastern dignitaries.”
Actually just put “the Herbie: Fully Loaded star and the vicious authoritarian on my grave, because there’s never been a more perfect collection of words. Is Herbie: Fully Loaded all of the Middle Eastern dignitaries’ favorite Lindsay Lohan movie? Because that would be a random choice, but I respect it.
While it seems sort of unlikely that Lindsay and the Crown Prince are fully dating, who really knows with her? Like, what if this photo was taken in his palace?
Stranger things have happened. I really hope Lindsay Lohan isn’t dating this guy, because he’s a human rights nightmare, but I have to admit that it would be truly wild if Lindsay Lohan somehow ended up as the Queen of Saudi Arabia. Like, I don’t want it to happen, but I sort of want it to happen. It’s Queen Lindsay’s world, and we’re all just living in it.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy; lindsaylohan / Instagram