Dear Head Pro,
I'm 17 and I got with a 25 year old guy… he is in a relationship i didn't know this till after. We didn't sleep together but I feel terrible he told me after that they had a huge fight and he was over her or whatever. Us hooking up was just a one time thing but i feel horrible and am very very worried he will tell her and then say it was me, she will know who I am as she comes into my work. We met in a club but he did know i was underage and didn't care.
Did I do an extremely stupid thing?
Wow, lot of class going on in this email, but for the most part: No. You didn’t really do anything wrong. Is it, I dunno, advisable to hook up with someone where you know age can be a legal issue (even if he’s on board)? No, probably not, but that doesn’t put you in the wrong. Similarly, if you weren’t aware he had a girlfriend, how were you supposed to know any better? If I go to the doctor and he fails to tell me that a passionate lovemaking session with me will act as a sort of vaccine against cancer, it’s not my fault if women start throwing themselves at me in public. I assume this to be true, and though my doctor denies it, I think he has his own agenda. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE, LADIES.
If the girlfriend does come into your work to give you shit, eh… what can you do? Obviously you could explain to her what you explained to me, but people don’t tend to listen to reason in these situations and she’d likely still irrationally defend her dirtbag, sack of shit boyfriend. Just have your boss kick her out and ban her from the premises.
Willfully Ignorant Kisses,
Dear Head Pro,
I stumbled upon a video my boyfriend took of us having sex the other day without my knowledge on his PhotoBooth…
How am I supposed to feel about this or react? What's the impetus behind something like this? By some stroke of luck, my back is turned for most of it, and he's very serious about his career etc. so I can't imagine he's planning to show it to anyone (or at least I should hope not…), not to mention that I trust him not to do something like that. I know that he watches porn all the time, so is this something for his own personal viewing pleasure? Should I somehow be flattered that maybe he wants to watch me instead of whacking off to I don't even want to know what?
And on the same token, is this a serious breach of trust I should be concerned about? I have no clue if it's weird/pervy or a fairly normal guy thing to do. I'm not worried about it turning into some sort of revenge porn thing really, I'm just kind of confused as to the motivation behind it and how I'm supposed to take it or go from here. I don't want to overreact (or under-react for that matter either).
Avoiding Kim Kardashian's Footsteps
Um, you should be pretty fucking upset about it, that’s how you should react. For one thing, it’s about as objectively immoral as it gets. For another thing, it’s possibly illegal. [Note: I am not a lawyer] I did some digging, and in general, when you have a reasonable expectation of privacy (like a bedroom), it’s unlawful to be photographed or filmed without your consent. From what I can gather different states might get a little squirly regarding exactly whose bedroom it is, but you’d need to consult legal counsel for specifics in your state.
In summary: This is wrong, probably illegal, absolutely NOT “normal guy behavior,” and you should demand it be destroyed. I know Macs offer significantly better security than PCs, but as long as it’s on his machine, it’s technically susceptible to attack.
Regarding his motivations, you’re right that he probably just wants it for his spank bank. My question is, why? I feel like it would be mortifying to watch myself fuck. Say what you will about the negative externalities of porn, but you can’t deny that professional smut peddlers have the technical know-how to make an honestly unappealing act look good on film. There’s a reason why the only good “amateur” porn is solo diddle vids, while the guy-on-girl stuff remains unwatchable – people are disgusting animals without a great deal of visual wizardry.
It takes a certain kind of narcissist to want to get off by watching his own vinegar strokes,