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Dear Head Pro,
A guy that I've been good friends with since college is currently dating this chick, and none of us can figure what he sees in her. Their relationship happened very suddenly and they've been together so far for about 6 months. She's kind of possessive of him and we all personally think she is turning him into a worst version of himself. Every annoying thing that a girl in a relationship can do on social media, she does… For example, when they first started going out, she obsessively added all his friends on facebook and insta. She also added his sister on facebook, even though him and sister aren't facebook friends…She is constantly adding pics on facebook and instagram all the time, and it's not in a cute “look how happy we are” kind of way, it's more possessive. For example he uploaded a picture on instagram and he referred to her as his “sidekick” (which i thought was strange), and then two days later she uploads a pic of them staring deeply into each other's eyes. One of her friends commented “you look like you're more than his sidekick to me”, almost like she was trying to generate that type of comment from someone. He changed his profile picture to picture of just himself and then she immediately changes her profile picture to pic of him and her. There was also a period of time that no recent pics had been uploaded of them, but then she uploaded a pic of them from three months prior…weird. It's like she really needs to let people know he's taken. All the pics uploaded if them, it shows her all over him, and not him all over her. She was also the one to update their relationship status (it was her idea, he didn't care).
His social media tells a completely different story. He posts regularly on social media, but he barely posts anything relating to her, unlike her social media accounts. When he does post about her, it seems like he portrays her as more of a friend he hangs out with a lot, such as calling her his sidekick. She's recently upgraded to douchey kissing pics on the beach and her family and friends seem psychotically obsessed with him. He was someone that never would have gone along with posting shit like this, but it's been six months. Her posts have gotten so bad that I (along with some other friends of ours) had to delete him off facebook. On snapchat recently he's posted some post-sex pics, and I had to delete him off that too. These were things he never would have posted before with any other girl, or when he was single. All of our friends have noticed a change in him, and it's not a good one. He was a pretty stand-up guy with good morals and values, and it seems like that's not there anymore. She is definitely not bringing out the best in him. We all want to tell him his GF is bad for him, but at the same time we feel we should just keep our mouths shut and see how this plays out. All the evidence is there that this is a bad relationship.
What should we do?
Well, this is dramatic. Thank you for using 548 words to say “my guy friend has a girlfriend and it's not fair.” This is concern-trolling of the highest order. Her posts were so “bad” (them kissing – the horror!) that you “had” to delete him off Facebook? SAY IT AIN’T SO! I got to the part about his “morals and values,” and I thought maybe this had to be furtively written from high school Bible camp – but no, you’ve known him “since college,” implying that you are in fact an adult. What could he possibly be doing to make you question his morals? Robbing banks? Shoplifting? Thinking that Miley Cyrus still has legitimacy as a musician?
Anyway, under the mounds of bullshit lies a legitimate question: Is it ok to tell my friend that their S.O. sucks donkey dick? The answer is that you get exactly one (1) time to air your grievances, and only if they ask for your input. Otherwise, he doesn’t care – your unsolicited opinion of his girlfriend will go over about as well as an Iggy Azalea concert for people who aren’t hearing impaired. If he does happen to ask, keep it about him and how you feel, not her. Don’t say “she’s a bitch who brings out the worst in you.” Instead say “Since you’ve been dating, I feel like you haven’t been the same, and you aren’t as [insert desirable quality] as you used to be.”
That’s all you get. How he responds will depend on how much he actually values your friendship, as well as how well she does that thing with her tongue. If he pushes away, it’s his life to ruin/live happily without worrisome friends getting bent out of shape over meaningless shit. I would just get off his dick about it. From the sounds of things, this is a relationship destined to burn brightly, yet briefly.
Morally Upstanding Kisses,